deepundergroundpoetry.com
Steel rain woman
A tattooed biker drops casual f-bombs
from a second story balcony.
They hit the blacktop hard
and cut through the courtyard
set to the frantic beat of a car alarm.
Morning birds harmonize
with the street lights
that buzz to life like captive suns.
From Juliette's repose, I take a long,
slow pull on my last cigarette.
I can hear the trees swaying,
soothing my erratic thoughts
as the wind plays pianissimo perfection
along their xylophone needles,
but these trees are strangers to me.
I wonder if they, too
ache to touch the heavens,
those twisted branches desperately reaching,
heavy with broken promises.
I tap a barefoot beat...
The rush of the freeway hits my ear like steel rain
and I have known the rain too long.
from a second story balcony.
They hit the blacktop hard
and cut through the courtyard
set to the frantic beat of a car alarm.
Morning birds harmonize
with the street lights
that buzz to life like captive suns.
From Juliette's repose, I take a long,
slow pull on my last cigarette.
I can hear the trees swaying,
soothing my erratic thoughts
as the wind plays pianissimo perfection
along their xylophone needles,
but these trees are strangers to me.
I wonder if they, too
ache to touch the heavens,
those twisted branches desperately reaching,
heavy with broken promises.
I tap a barefoot beat...
The rush of the freeway hits my ear like steel rain
and I have known the rain too long.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 20
reading list entries 6
comments 19
reads 1330
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re. Steel rain woman
7th Jun 2018 00:55am
Re: Re. Steel rain woman
10th Jun 2018 3:29pm
Thank you so much for the great comment and a place on your list, Tim, it's always nice to see you and I appreciate the kind visit...
Anonymous
- Edited 27th Dec 2019 12:45pm
7th Jun 2018 9:28am
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. Steel rain woman
10th Jun 2018 10:39pm
Re. Steel rain woman
7th Jun 2018 12:48pm
dishevelled locks stand on your plot of land iron soft, idling, impervious,
your poem has magistrate words, very sublet ambiguity that weld the poem to a length of mystery.
with-in that instant the volume of gravity conceived a poem, i through petrels at your feet'
one can here the whisperings in your writing they ascend to my ears my whole being,
shakespeare is there, wind soft is there, you have unlaced a great poem, the last smoke,
i did really enjoy the whole poem i wonder if i should write (swooned)
your poem has magistrate words, very sublet ambiguity that weld the poem to a length of mystery.
with-in that instant the volume of gravity conceived a poem, i through petrels at your feet'
one can here the whisperings in your writing they ascend to my ears my whole being,
shakespeare is there, wind soft is there, you have unlaced a great poem, the last smoke,
i did really enjoy the whole poem i wonder if i should write (swooned)
1
Re: Re. Steel rain woman
12th Jun 2018 5:45am
We should always write, yes? And what a beautiful comment, thank you for putting so much thought into it,
very much appreciated...
very much appreciated...
Re. Steel rain woman
Anonymous
7th Jun 2018 2:27pm
I always enjoy the skill with which you wield your quill, Kasai. There's a melancholy tone to this piece, but it keeps moving and by the end my feet were itching to get going and you pulled that emotion out perfectly with the freeway connection. Time to move on settles over my senses reading this one.
...Willow
...Willow
1
Re: Re. Steel rain woman
Sweet Willow, always a smile with your comments. Once again, you've said it perfectly, moving on....
The end of one chapter and the beginning of another. We bring the good things with us and let go of the rest. I enjoyed the visit, thank you much...
The end of one chapter and the beginning of another. We bring the good things with us and let go of the rest. I enjoyed the visit, thank you much...
Re. Steel rain woman
8th Jun 2018 2:27am
This is truly beautiful.
the imagery, the language and the flow...so masterful.
the imagery, the language and the flow...so masterful.
1
Re: Re. Steel rain woman
So nice of you to come by for a visit, Layla, and thank you for such a kind comment as well as a place on your RL, I'm glad you enjoyed...
Re. Steel rain woman
Anonymous
21st Jun 2018 9:11am
Wonderful imagery. Enhanced for me by the fact that I am reading it as an English English speaker. This gives it a voice reminiscent of some great American writers.
1
Re: Re. Steel rain woman
26th Jun 2018 10:31pm
Thank you, vasarian, for such a wonderful comment. I'm so happy you enjoyed enough to keep it...
Re. Steel rain woman
24th Jul 2018 6:37am
This has such amazing flow, imagery and sonnancy. I was on that balcony with you. Big like! Rachelle
1
Re: Re. Steel rain woman
24th Jul 2018 6:46am
Re: Re. Steel rain woman
25th Jul 2018 10:40pm
Thank you Poet, much can be said with just one word and I'm glad you came to visit...
Anonymous
- Edited 21st Oct 2019 5:45am
18th May 2019 11:23pm
<< post removed >>
Re. Steel rain woman
Anonymous
26th Nov 2019 1:09am
Stark and absorbing! A great piece!
1