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mountains i have climbed
For Mama, on the 105th Anniversary of her Birth
seeing i have seen
hearing i have heard
should i close my eyes this day
speak not a frowning word
hearing i have heard
feeling i have felt
voices now are whispered songs
that all my heartaches melt
feeling i have felt
lessons i have learnt
pain is not my strangest friend
‘tis oft that i've been burnt
lessons i have learnt
secrets i have kept
patience holds my trembling hand
nor wisdom ever slept
secrets i have kept
knowledge i have shared
mountains i have climbed in hope
to dream and fight and dare
knowledge i have shared
children i have weaned
memories i have prized that
untried hearts have never seen
children i have weaned
teardrops i have dried
loved ones i have buried young
the pain of love defied
teardrops i have dried
comforts i have given
storms i've weathered on a path
oft steep and thunder riven
comforts i have given
praise i have received
but all glory be to God
in whom i have believed…
…for seeing i have seen
and hearing i have heard
and in my heart i have believed
Christ is the Living Word.
©2018 January 31
by Clyve A. Bowen
seeing i have seen
hearing i have heard
should i close my eyes this day
speak not a frowning word
hearing i have heard
feeling i have felt
voices now are whispered songs
that all my heartaches melt
feeling i have felt
lessons i have learnt
pain is not my strangest friend
‘tis oft that i've been burnt
lessons i have learnt
secrets i have kept
patience holds my trembling hand
nor wisdom ever slept
secrets i have kept
knowledge i have shared
mountains i have climbed in hope
to dream and fight and dare
knowledge i have shared
children i have weaned
memories i have prized that
untried hearts have never seen
children i have weaned
teardrops i have dried
loved ones i have buried young
the pain of love defied
teardrops i have dried
comforts i have given
storms i've weathered on a path
oft steep and thunder riven
comforts i have given
praise i have received
but all glory be to God
in whom i have believed…
…for seeing i have seen
and hearing i have heard
and in my heart i have believed
Christ is the Living Word.
©2018 January 31
by Clyve A. Bowen
Published 4th Jun 2018
| Edited 19th Aug 2024
Author's Note
This is another poem I wrote to commemorate my mother's 105th birthday anniversary. It captures the life she has lived, while the persona urges her loved ones not to be discouraged in the event of her death -- to "speak not a frowning words/should i close my eyes this day" -- because she has had a full and well-accomplished life.
Structurally, the intricate connectivity in Mama's life experience is emphasized and reflected in the uniformity of the poem, in which the 2nd line of each stanza reemerges as the opening line of the succeeding verse.
Structurally, the intricate connectivity in Mama's life experience is emphasized and reflected in the uniformity of the poem, in which the 2nd line of each stanza reemerges as the opening line of the succeeding verse.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 8
reading list entries 3
comments 10
reads 883
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
4th Jun 2018 10:59pm
The structure of your poems is very interesting. It's the second one I read and it's almost like I want to spot the pattern....like in one of those IQ tests where you have to find pattern and sequence of numbers. Good content too....
5th Jun 2018 3:09am
Thank you, Angelast1!
Somehow, I think you are my encourager. You are quite right about the pattern of the lines: I have felt as though the structure emerged beyond my initial intentions while I was finishing the opening stanza. When I realised how interesting it turned out to be, I decided to build the rest of the poem on the same order.
I started to read your poems but had to leave the site prematurely. I will give you feedback when I get to look at your writing.
Sincerely
Somehow, I think you are my encourager. You are quite right about the pattern of the lines: I have felt as though the structure emerged beyond my initial intentions while I was finishing the opening stanza. When I realised how interesting it turned out to be, I decided to build the rest of the poem on the same order.
I started to read your poems but had to leave the site prematurely. I will give you feedback when I get to look at your writing.
Sincerely
Regards to you, Clyve.
I am taken by your fine endeavor which I’m certain your dear mother is pleased of, and proud of her son.
As you have requested honest critiques, I have a small list of suggestions, should you be inclined to consider any or all of the following:
S6, L4: young hearts have never seen ( - juv’nile)
S8, L2: comfort(s) i have given ( make non-plural )
S9, L1: comfort(s) i have given ( make non-plural )
S9, L3: let all glory be to God ( - but)
S9, L4: in whom i have believed (no ellipse required here)
S10, L1: for seeing i have seen (no ellipse required here)
S10, L3: within my heart i have believed ( - and in)
[ S = stanza ]
[ L = line ]
[ Ellipse = “...” ]
As this poem currently stands without editing, I am prepared to add it to my Reading List. I do however feel that these suggestions will, in part or in all, be an asset. Thank you, dear Poet, and good luck in the competition.
🌹
I am taken by your fine endeavor which I’m certain your dear mother is pleased of, and proud of her son.
As you have requested honest critiques, I have a small list of suggestions, should you be inclined to consider any or all of the following:
S6, L4: young hearts have never seen ( - juv’nile)
S8, L2: comfort(s) i have given ( make non-plural )
S9, L1: comfort(s) i have given ( make non-plural )
S9, L3: let all glory be to God ( - but)
S9, L4: in whom i have believed (no ellipse required here)
S10, L1: for seeing i have seen (no ellipse required here)
S10, L3: within my heart i have believed ( - and in)
[ S = stanza ]
[ L = line ]
[ Ellipse = “...” ]
As this poem currently stands without editing, I am prepared to add it to my Reading List. I do however feel that these suggestions will, in part or in all, be an asset. Thank you, dear Poet, and good luck in the competition.
🌹
Hi, Jade
I knew I had come to the right place (person!) for interesting interaction. Thank you for your constructive feedback on my work; I am mostly accustomed to kudos and platitudes -- not the best (or only) soil in which to grow my craft.
I yield to all but 1.5 of your recommendations:
S6, L4: Juvenile meant more than youth and more of inexperienced. To preserve the rhythm, I have decided to use unseasoned, dropping the last word of the previous line, thus:
memories i have prized
unseasoned hearts have never seen
S8, L2/S9, L1: I have used comforts in the sense of peoples/waters/musics, which makes the persona more than a "nurse aid" or a bedside companion.
Thanks for so graciously helping me to refine this piece. The poem is currently locked for editing because of voting activities. I will apply the changes thereafter.
PS
Mama is very much alive and well. She celebrated 106 just over a month ago (Feb. 6).
Sincerely
I knew I had come to the right place (person!) for interesting interaction. Thank you for your constructive feedback on my work; I am mostly accustomed to kudos and platitudes -- not the best (or only) soil in which to grow my craft.
I yield to all but 1.5 of your recommendations:
S6, L4: Juvenile meant more than youth and more of inexperienced. To preserve the rhythm, I have decided to use unseasoned, dropping the last word of the previous line, thus:
memories i have prized
unseasoned hearts have never seen
S8, L2/S9, L1: I have used comforts in the sense of peoples/waters/musics, which makes the persona more than a "nurse aid" or a bedside companion.
Thanks for so graciously helping me to refine this piece. The poem is currently locked for editing because of voting activities. I will apply the changes thereafter.
PS
Mama is very much alive and well. She celebrated 106 just over a month ago (Feb. 6).
Sincerely
18th Mar 2019 4:42pm
Oh my stars, thank you for correcting me about your mother, for I apparently misunderstood. I’ve edited my words so that all is well.
Meantime, thank you for your detailed response to my suggestions. Due to your explanations, I completely understand your reasons, and even with one of them you still met that suggestion halfway. So all in all, taking a chance to approach you, I’m glad I did. You are a poet of exceptional manners and perceptions. We are well-met.
Meantime, thank you for your detailed response to my suggestions. Due to your explanations, I completely understand your reasons, and even with one of them you still met that suggestion halfway. So all in all, taking a chance to approach you, I’m glad I did. You are a poet of exceptional manners and perceptions. We are well-met.
20th Mar 2019 1:22am
I note your edit with thanks, Jade.
I am deeply honoured to have you even consider an RL inclusion of my work. You are certainly a giant on whose shoulders I can climb.
Thanks for the kind thoughts. Much to my great benefit, we are, indeed, well-met!
Sincerely
cab
I am deeply honoured to have you even consider an RL inclusion of my work. You are certainly a giant on whose shoulders I can climb.
Thanks for the kind thoughts. Much to my great benefit, we are, indeed, well-met!
Sincerely
cab
18th Mar 2019 7:59pm
I too hope the best for your chances, cabcool, as I add yours to my List also. I'm enjoying your writing style going by just this one piece. I'm adding you to my Follows list as well.
Blessings
Kathy
Blessings
Kathy
18th Mar 2019 10:13pm
Thank you, Heaven_sent_Kathy, for honouring me beyond expectations. I'm glad you like my work. Thanks for the RL inclusion.
I shall certainly grow through your critique. Spare me not where the rubber hits the road.
I shall certainly grow through your critique. Spare me not where the rubber hits the road.
21st Mar 2019 1:50pm
I'm not advanced in doing critiques, but I will watch whenever I'm logged on here. :)
21st Mar 2019 3:41pm
Such a gracious response! Then together we will keep watch and together we will learn.
Thanks again.
Thanks again.
