deepundergroundpoetry.com
Dead Girl Walking
Dead girl walking
Dead girl walking
Thats what they all say
They snicker and leer
I try to show no fear
But being weird and
Being different
Is what they fear in me
They want me dead
They want me gone
Not even to be a memory
I scare them so much
That they fight me at every turn
They point they laugh
Throw rocks at my back
Put rotting things in my locker
Tell new kids im crazy
Throw my food in my face
Make me the ass of their jokes
But now they're wondering why
They're all lined up against the wall
A gun in my hand just waving it around
This is what they have made me become
A monster, A villian, A crazy
Putting the gun to their backs
I laugh at their screams
Ask them where the dead girl went
They all fall to the floor one by one
To be cripled forever for what they've done
I did not kill them,
I could not shrink to their level
so now my malevolent spirit can now rest
I'll be in the Psych ward locked up forever
While they will all be in wheelchairs
Their smug little ways erased forever
Leaving me always and forever in their memory
Dead girl walking
Thats what they all say
They snicker and leer
I try to show no fear
But being weird and
Being different
Is what they fear in me
They want me dead
They want me gone
Not even to be a memory
I scare them so much
That they fight me at every turn
They point they laugh
Throw rocks at my back
Put rotting things in my locker
Tell new kids im crazy
Throw my food in my face
Make me the ass of their jokes
But now they're wondering why
They're all lined up against the wall
A gun in my hand just waving it around
This is what they have made me become
A monster, A villian, A crazy
Putting the gun to their backs
I laugh at their screams
Ask them where the dead girl went
They all fall to the floor one by one
To be cripled forever for what they've done
I did not kill them,
I could not shrink to their level
so now my malevolent spirit can now rest
I'll be in the Psych ward locked up forever
While they will all be in wheelchairs
Their smug little ways erased forever
Leaving me always and forever in their memory
Published 17th Oct 2011
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comments 5
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
17th Oct 2011 7:46am
You retaliated after being pushed against the wall by the cruelty of children. Good narration.
17th Oct 2011 1:46pm
I liked it, I could feel the emotion you put into to it at times, however it did not always feel smooth in transition. I would take a little closer look at
Put rotting things in my locker
Tell new kids im crazy
Throw my food in my face
Make me the ass of their jokes
Its not that what your saying is bad, just for me personally as a reader it stopped flowing as well there. Also I would add punctuation just to help clarify the ending of one thought and the continuation of another. It would help the reader flow through your great poem that much more.
To recap, great poem, but just revise it a bit to help it flow a little better.
Put rotting things in my locker
Tell new kids im crazy
Throw my food in my face
Make me the ass of their jokes
Its not that what your saying is bad, just for me personally as a reader it stopped flowing as well there. Also I would add punctuation just to help clarify the ending of one thought and the continuation of another. It would help the reader flow through your great poem that much more.
To recap, great poem, but just revise it a bit to help it flow a little better.
17th Oct 2011 7:36pm
16th Jun 2012 11:46pm
18th Jan 2013 11:43am
Message sent, message received. A somewhat harrowing piece in its relevance. Describing well the two sides of inappropriate prepubescent victimization, both of which have caustic cause and effect. Good job.
