deepundergroundpoetry.com
< so just leave me >
[font=Courier New]
it's a dark night
and a lost night
and a thin
wasted moon
it's a ghost moon
a pale moon
and it gives me
no light
and you
you have changed now
you have changed us
to no more
so just leave me
you just leave me
you just leave me
alone
you
have decided
have decided
your heart
so just leave me
you just leave me
you just leave me
alone
- - -
it's a dark night
and a lost night
and a thin
wasted moon
it's a ghost moon
a pale moon
and it gives me
no light
and you
you have changed now
you have changed us
to no more
so just leave me
you just leave me
you just leave me
alone
you
have decided
have decided
your heart
so just leave me
you just leave me
you just leave me
alone
- - -
Published 9th Oct 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 2
comments 6
reads 972
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
9th Oct 2011 4:18pm
14th Oct 2011 4:53pm
have been experimenting with using more repetition, but experimenting with using more repetition,
constantly using more repetition, while fun at first, this constant repetition, is driving me
crazy, really, totally, driving me crazy, must stop, must stop this, but stopping it, don't
know how to stop it.
constantly using more repetition, while fun at first, this constant repetition, is driving me
crazy, really, totally, driving me crazy, must stop, must stop this, but stopping it, don't
know how to stop it.
28th Oct 2011 5:15pm
I like the repetition, it's clever because in the first two stanza's the lines seem to stream together, in your usual way, of chatter and it makes it very calm and solemn.
28th Oct 2011 9:29pm
29th Dec 2011 5:23am
It's the music... this repetition. It's what makes it more of the poetic, but allows you to use real English and plain English without resorting to old-fashioned tricks like rhymes. Really like it. I think it's a direction that's working.
30th Dec 2011 5:09pm
though, technically, since a word rhymes with itself...
(ha, just being a smartass, thanks for liking it)
(ha, just being a smartass, thanks for liking it)
