Would you think?

What if i were to tell you that i have though about death.
Not just death but was two seconds from experiencing it?

DO you think you would think me sane?
DO you think you would give me a second look?
DO you think you would keep reading.

Because what if it was in your mind to down?
45 pills, thats not so bad.
It kills you quicker than fifteen.
But the pain is slower, and after that you feel it even longer.

What if i told you that the reason i was about to was the reason i stopped?

A guy, oh how i could go on about him.
His face smooth and his eyes ever changing.
The way he talks, the way he thinks.

Oh, he can make you see a rainbow in a black room.
The way he talks about anything and everything made me want more.
One talk wasn't enough
oh no it was not.

If i could have talked to him forever i would have.
His voice as silky as satin.
Every word made me smile.
Ever look he gave me made me smile.

He was my savior, but for how long.

stuff as easy as this cannot last for ever.
Lost hopes are found, but then does the puppy wander off again?
Yes, the puppy will go another way though,
knowing the last path was dangerous.

Does this puppy know where it is going?
Oh, yes.
This puppy is masochistic.
Everything is thought out, but in some ways stuff is pushed out of mind never to be heard again.

-Come on puppy.
it coaxes me.
-You know you want it.
They hand me another.
I light it up and inhaile
-That's good.
My body relaxes

[i] I realize what i had just done.[/i]
-calm calm. Dont fret you will be fine.
my body shakes with anger, i had stopped.
-it's okay we all knew you were coming back. were not mad it took this long
Damn you you fucking evil ass hole!i quit, i was done! Why?!?

Anger is all i feel now, my body is in a rage that it has never experienced before.

down
   down
       down

i  
fall
    going
         deeper
               and
                  deeper
                        into
                             an
                               angry
                                    black
                                         hole
cursing them all.

Is it okay to feel like you want to kill yourself
because your family doesn't want you.
For them to openly accuse you of stuff that you haven't done?

To feel like everything that is the problem with them is your fault?
I don't know what to think anymore!
How could something so wrong be my fault?
DO i believe that it's my fault?
Every hour of every day.

Could i believe  that it WASN'T my fault.
That would take a lot.

[i]Do  you believe what goes on behind closed doors should stay behind closed doors?

[/i]