The hardest words

Stranger in my own home,
walking into rooms that are so familiar,
where I somehow don't belong.
Only been days, and yet, in days I'm lost

My kids come out to greet me in the sun
Everything is beautiful, they are so full of life.
Everything is beautiful, except, the feeling
that they are inviting me into their lives.

Trying to avoid the woman I love most in the world
the woman that asked me to leave.
Only for a time, only for a break, and I feel broken.
Sitting on my mother's couch talking about everything but.

Sleeping in a spare room, suitcase clothes, new toothbrush.
New hairbrush. Same old me, but with new feelings.
I now know what it feels like to wait till your loves are gone.
So you can get the things you own, and take them from your home.

I now know what it feels like to read the hardest words.
To learn that your kids aren't ready for you to come home,
that they miss you and would like you to visit.
How do you go from a father to a visitor in two days?

And it's my fault, I own my part in this,
I made them feel sad, I let them see my anger.
I was grumpy, and shouted, and made them cry for too long,
I didn't listen when I should have listened.

And I know it's going to be OK, as I cry on a strange pillow.
I know its just a break, and I'll get to put myself back together,
in a week or a month. I know this isn't forever.
But it fucking hurts.