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deepundergroundpoetry.com
Suicide Letter
Suicide Letter
Crumbling, the earth beneath my heavy feet,
as my spirit whose drive was once as hard as concrete,
breaks and shatters underneath his unforgiving heat.
I feel lost and incomplete.
The desire to be great, now obsolete,
I’m a broken record stuck on repeat.
I’m a failure, a reject, a black sheep, a misunderstood freak, all things true without deceit.
In this day and age, I’m not feeling very fucking upbeat.
The war ragging uncontrollable inside my fucking soul is nearing the end.
I’m sorry to admit that I will not ascend
and take over the crown you left behind for me my friend.
My soul has remained divided.
My broken heart has refused to mend.
Everyone looks at me with judgmental eyes and condescends.
The depths of the darkness plaguing me they can’t fucking comprehend!
Every road I take in life has turned out to be a dead end.
Sacrifice after sacrifice made without ever receiving a single dividend.
Goodbye to you, my girlfriend, may you recover quickly from my bitter end.
The pain inside has become too much for me to bear.
Before I depart this realm, I want to make you all aware
of the horrors brought on by this dark, twisted affair.
My words I leave behind to show you all just how far I have fallen into despair.
Some will say that I’m not being fair,
that I’m not giving them time to prepare,
to deal with my death that they feel is coming out of nowhere.
They will cry and curse my name because my shocking death will cause them to forget how to say a prayer.
I’m sorry, but I have to put an end to this nightmare.
From the bottom of my shattered heart, I hope you all take care.
Allow me to explain one thing, no one is to blame for this.
Please look back on our times together fondly when you reminisce
about the times we shared, weather good or bad.
Don’t frown, cry and be sad.
Don’t blow off steam and be mad.
Force a smile and be glade.
I’m off to a better place, out of the misery of this world.
The last thing I plan on doing is joining Satan in the underworld.
I’m sorry to everyone who loves me or is close to me.
This isn’t how I wanted the end of my life to be,
but I’ve lost the will to live and no longer wish to carry on.
I will be taking my final breath within the next few coming dawns.
I’m so broken my thoughts are chaotic and I think everyone is against me.
I’m such a shell of my former shelf that I’m ashamed of the man the ones dear to me have to see.
I’m so pathetic, I can’t make a single fucking friend.
When backed into a corner and crying out for help, no one will come to my aid and defend
my back against the attacks me thrown constantly at me.
All I want now is to be free.
Free from this darkness, this pain, this fucking miserable life!
My only regret is I’ve never been able to take a wife.
At least I won’t leave a family behind to drown themselves in sorrow.
No one will be truly devastated if I end my life tomorrow.
It’s a calming feeling knowing I won’t be letting anyone truly down.
My death will be mourned by a small ground of family and friends in my home town.
No large crowd will come together to say their respects.
My death will be reported in the paper, but it won’t have much effect.
I will go out the same way I came in…
A loser…
A failure…
A nobody…
A ghost.
One day soon I will walk straight into the ocean.
I will stand in it and let out all of my raw emotion.
I will be alone in this so I don’t cause a commotion.
I don’t want my end to contain any shameless self-promotion.
I will then dive underwater…
But won’t come back up.
My body will be recovered some time latter washed upon the beach.
Some family on vacation will find it and let out a loud screech
Since they won’t be able to find their speech.
My books will then hit book shelfs and will serve as an opportunity to teach
others about the horrors of the invisible war so many of use fight… and ultimately lose.
Then, I will go down in legend as not being quite a snooze.
Silence is all I want to hear.
Silence is all I long to feel.
Silence is the beat my heart wants to make.
Silence is what I’m about to discover,
so, goodbye to all. for this is the end.
Goodbye to all…
I’ve reached the end.
Crumbling, the earth beneath my heavy feet,
as my spirit whose drive was once as hard as concrete,
breaks and shatters underneath his unforgiving heat.
I feel lost and incomplete.
The desire to be great, now obsolete,
I’m a broken record stuck on repeat.
I’m a failure, a reject, a black sheep, a misunderstood freak, all things true without deceit.
In this day and age, I’m not feeling very fucking upbeat.
The war ragging uncontrollable inside my fucking soul is nearing the end.
I’m sorry to admit that I will not ascend
and take over the crown you left behind for me my friend.
My soul has remained divided.
My broken heart has refused to mend.
Everyone looks at me with judgmental eyes and condescends.
The depths of the darkness plaguing me they can’t fucking comprehend!
Every road I take in life has turned out to be a dead end.
Sacrifice after sacrifice made without ever receiving a single dividend.
Goodbye to you, my girlfriend, may you recover quickly from my bitter end.
The pain inside has become too much for me to bear.
Before I depart this realm, I want to make you all aware
of the horrors brought on by this dark, twisted affair.
My words I leave behind to show you all just how far I have fallen into despair.
Some will say that I’m not being fair,
that I’m not giving them time to prepare,
to deal with my death that they feel is coming out of nowhere.
They will cry and curse my name because my shocking death will cause them to forget how to say a prayer.
I’m sorry, but I have to put an end to this nightmare.
From the bottom of my shattered heart, I hope you all take care.
Allow me to explain one thing, no one is to blame for this.
Please look back on our times together fondly when you reminisce
about the times we shared, weather good or bad.
Don’t frown, cry and be sad.
Don’t blow off steam and be mad.
Force a smile and be glade.
I’m off to a better place, out of the misery of this world.
The last thing I plan on doing is joining Satan in the underworld.
I’m sorry to everyone who loves me or is close to me.
This isn’t how I wanted the end of my life to be,
but I’ve lost the will to live and no longer wish to carry on.
I will be taking my final breath within the next few coming dawns.
I’m so broken my thoughts are chaotic and I think everyone is against me.
I’m such a shell of my former shelf that I’m ashamed of the man the ones dear to me have to see.
I’m so pathetic, I can’t make a single fucking friend.
When backed into a corner and crying out for help, no one will come to my aid and defend
my back against the attacks me thrown constantly at me.
All I want now is to be free.
Free from this darkness, this pain, this fucking miserable life!
My only regret is I’ve never been able to take a wife.
At least I won’t leave a family behind to drown themselves in sorrow.
No one will be truly devastated if I end my life tomorrow.
It’s a calming feeling knowing I won’t be letting anyone truly down.
My death will be mourned by a small ground of family and friends in my home town.
No large crowd will come together to say their respects.
My death will be reported in the paper, but it won’t have much effect.
I will go out the same way I came in…
A loser…
A failure…
A nobody…
A ghost.
One day soon I will walk straight into the ocean.
I will stand in it and let out all of my raw emotion.
I will be alone in this so I don’t cause a commotion.
I don’t want my end to contain any shameless self-promotion.
I will then dive underwater…
But won’t come back up.
My body will be recovered some time latter washed upon the beach.
Some family on vacation will find it and let out a loud screech
Since they won’t be able to find their speech.
My books will then hit book shelfs and will serve as an opportunity to teach
others about the horrors of the invisible war so many of use fight… and ultimately lose.
Then, I will go down in legend as not being quite a snooze.
Silence is all I want to hear.
Silence is all I long to feel.
Silence is the beat my heart wants to make.
Silence is what I’m about to discover,
so, goodbye to all. for this is the end.
Goodbye to all…
I’ve reached the end.
Published 6th Feb 2018
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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6th Feb 2018 12:49pm
A very well written poignant poem. I hope this is just words to express and will not come to a real end. If you need someone to listen on your ranting I am here as a friend. Wish you well.
6th Feb 2018 1:08pm
Thank you so much for reading and commenting. They just words to express but it did try to blend reality with them and make it seem as real as possible. I'm glad to know i have friends on here who care about my well being. It means a lot, thank you.
6th Feb 2018 2:55pm
Glad it is words to express .. very effective and felt real 😊 Thank you so much for sharing a heatfelt and a very evocative piece to read.
9th Feb 2018 00:30am
I hope you don't mind the fact that I skipped straight to the bottom to see if you were okay.
You write a lot of good poetry, but I admit trending towards darker subjects than I typically care for. I respect your skills regardless of the poetry subject matter.
Right now I'm focused on getting ready to birth my 9th child any day now so I'm looking for really positive messages to focus on.
You write a lot of good poetry, but I admit trending towards darker subjects than I typically care for. I respect your skills regardless of the poetry subject matter.
Right now I'm focused on getting ready to birth my 9th child any day now so I'm looking for really positive messages to focus on.
9th Feb 2018 00:39am
I've been in a dark place in life lately so everything I write is coming out dark as shit but I appreciate you reading and commenting none the less. Hopefully soon i'll snap out of it and write some lighter stuff but in the mean time, dark it is. Writing is like therapy for me so it's helping me deal with the difficult times I find myself in.
9th Feb 2018 2:55am
I understand. Nurture the talent. If you write a book, I'd say go for the lighter stuff, but otherwise I hear you, writing can be a refuge against stagnation, anxiety and depression. Even in the dark places.
