Stepped On

I was older than you
But I should have been the bigger person
When we were younger
I remember your glasses would get stepped on
The same way she used step on us
 
And like your glasses
I began to crack under the weight of our heavy home
I'm sorry I helped to make life such a disorienting blur for you
When I should have been doing so much more
But just like your glasses, I was weak
They only spent enough time on me to make my foundations out of cheap plastic
Easy to break and manipulate
And I'm able to recognize now
That the weakness wasn't all my fault
I've spent time on myself so I could be tougher for you now
 
I just wish I could have held myself together for you then
We were both too young to withstand that kind of pain
But I should have held you up
I should have been your frames
I should have kept some semblance of structure in your life when things were shaky and unclear
At least I was able to protect your eyes sometimes
I just hate myself
Because your head would start to hurt even worse
Every time I wasn't there for you
 
-S.L.T.   -01/28/2018