G.A.D. (Go and Die)

 
I need a vacation from my mind  
it plays tricks  
facing an inevitable future  
makes me want to call it quits  
I wish I was easy to please  
and didn’t give a shit  
 
contemplating a life of charm  
and creativity  
sound the alarm  
because the inevitability  
of reality  
can take you by storm  
 
travel tales and resurrection spells  
of those who never leave us  
waking to familiar hell  
fails to give a rush  
you’d think after years  
you’d be numb to the fear  
 
I wish to re-ignite    
my former life  
dance meditate  
paint and mold  
the unconscious clay  
that lets itself be  
 
I wish that were me  
 
anxiety prevents me  
from living  
I wish I were free  
but I’m not  

why is this my cross  
to carry