deepundergroundpoetry.com
Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
The walk from my mother's house
took about two minutes
i don't remember thinking much
exept how unpoetic it all felt
The sky was a mass of grey
it nearly rained, nearly snowed
and for a couple of seconds
the sun nearly showed signs
of a minor breakthrough
I tapped on a window, took a step back
and braced myself
he was a bit more built
than hoped for
and his eyes hinted
nothing of the twenty years
we ran together
first punch crunched my chin
he spoke, then done it again
then ear, lip, head, chin
hurt like fuck
but the rules of this game
is my guard down
til the end
[ grabbed his shoulders once
to catch my breath]
It stopped
when he ran out punches, or air
then his mother appeared
and told me how much it hurt
when I robbed her
me, like a son -a brother
I handed her a small sum
walked back home
head up, and a load off
I'll knock again another time
Graffiti by me and the gang 1988
took about two minutes
i don't remember thinking much
exept how unpoetic it all felt
The sky was a mass of grey
it nearly rained, nearly snowed
and for a couple of seconds
the sun nearly showed signs
of a minor breakthrough
I tapped on a window, took a step back
and braced myself
he was a bit more built
than hoped for
and his eyes hinted
nothing of the twenty years
we ran together
first punch crunched my chin
he spoke, then done it again
then ear, lip, head, chin
hurt like fuck
but the rules of this game
is my guard down
til the end
[ grabbed his shoulders once
to catch my breath]
It stopped
when he ran out punches, or air
then his mother appeared
and told me how much it hurt
when I robbed her
me, like a son -a brother
I handed her a small sum
walked back home
head up, and a load off
I'll knock again another time
Graffiti by me and the gang 1988
Written by
lepperochan
(CraicDealer)
Published 24th Dec 2017
| Edited 26th Jan 2018
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 26
reading list entries 8
comments 35
reads 1647
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
24th Dec 2017 12:44pm
true.
raw
the color of reality
is of the ink here
narration
is absolutely cold
and piercing
yes, no bridges
built
without broken skin
and a lot of water flows
under those bridges
whilst still building
loved
the read
and for that
thanks,
many!
raw
the color of reality
is of the ink here
narration
is absolutely cold
and piercing
yes, no bridges
built
without broken skin
and a lot of water flows
under those bridges
whilst still building
loved
the read
and for that
thanks,
many!
1
Re: Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
24th Dec 2017 2:06pm
Greetings, good sir; and tidings to you and yours
cheers, I approached this different, took a week of writie-delete, start again.
very happy you thought it was ok enough to drop in and leave your thoughts
thanks much
cheers, I approached this different, took a week of writie-delete, start again.
very happy you thought it was ok enough to drop in and leave your thoughts
thanks much
Re: Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
24th Dec 2017 2:13pm
...ahh! the Irish and their saintly/scholarly humility.
Mate!
for a bloke that adores that trait
your words/deeds are just beyond admirable.
Mate!
for a bloke that adores that trait
your words/deeds are just beyond admirable.
2
Re: Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
24th Dec 2017 2:35pm
It'd be great if we could master soccer. I mean, we have rugby conqured (hobbits are on their way out ...took an Irishman to make them in the first place )
even had a decent stint at cricket.
but get the fuckers to kick a ball into the goal... ahh, would have been great in Russia 18 but no
can't see your flag, so won't make any assumptions .. 'cept you seem far too happy to be a yank heh heh :),
anyhow
much appreciate your words
*hat tip*
even had a decent stint at cricket.
but get the fuckers to kick a ball into the goal... ahh, would have been great in Russia 18 but no
can't see your flag, so won't make any assumptions .. 'cept you seem far too happy to be a yank heh heh :),
anyhow
much appreciate your words
*hat tip*
Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
24th Dec 2017 3:11pm
I read this a few times and I will tell you this
good man this is absolutely clever I enjoyed the unexpected twist.
Happy Holiday Emmon 🎄
Xo Jackie ☃️
good man this is absolutely clever I enjoyed the unexpected twist.
Happy Holiday Emmon 🎄
Xo Jackie ☃️
2
Re: Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
24th Dec 2017 3:48pm
ahh, the elusive lady of Queens
happy Xmas to you and yours, and many thanks for commin' in and droppin' your thoughts
happy Xmas to you and yours, and many thanks for commin' in and droppin' your thoughts
Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
25th Dec 2017 4:00am
Re: Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
26th Dec 2017 4:13pm
Greetings
very kind of you to say, Lady and my poetic mind thanks you for saying it. also, its nice to see you
very kind of you to say, Lady and my poetic mind thanks you for saying it. also, its nice to see you
Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
25th Dec 2017 1:12pm
Re: Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
26th Dec 2017 4:18pm
Hello
I cannot take credit for the perfect visuals. that, Lady -was all you :),
muchos thankios
I cannot take credit for the perfect visuals. that, Lady -was all you :),
muchos thankios
Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
25th Dec 2017 11:17pm
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays Craic! I love it when I sign in and find your gems lol.
I'm so curious about this man who's door you knock on. Did you really rob him? Is he an old friend? I know there's way more to this story and I love when you tell them. I get to walk down the streets of Ireland too.
I'm so curious about this man who's door you knock on. Did you really rob him? Is he an old friend? I know there's way more to this story and I love when you tell them. I get to walk down the streets of Ireland too.
1
Re: Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
26th Dec 2017 4:39pm
Hello, and many happy returnings!
I love it when somebody finds my gems :),
yeah, we go back to whipersnapper-hood. I stole money from his mother about fifteen years ago. last week was the first real chance he had to express how he felt about it.
delighted to see you drop by and leave your thoughts, Lena
I love it when somebody finds my gems :),
yeah, we go back to whipersnapper-hood. I stole money from his mother about fifteen years ago. last week was the first real chance he had to express how he felt about it.
delighted to see you drop by and leave your thoughts, Lena
Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
27th Dec 2017 00:42am
Well! Sounds like you did your part. Hope the bridge will be completed.
Cheers & merry Christmas to you
K
Cheers & merry Christmas to you
K
1
Re: Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
27th Dec 2017 1:45am
Greetings, K
I'll see which way the land lies next time I find myself in the vicinity
much thanks for your words of cheer, and for you being here to say them
happy Christmas to you, also
I'll see which way the land lies next time I find myself in the vicinity
much thanks for your words of cheer, and for you being here to say them
happy Christmas to you, also
Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
Anonymous
- Edited 30th Dec 2017 00:31am
30th Dec 2017 00:28am
What the eff have I bloody told you about crossing strange bridges after midnight? You crazy Irish.
The story telling in this is what makes the piece for me really. The fact this is in the drugs category makes it feel like the story needs to be told in the first place, alost as if the punch justified the whole journey. Viva la metaphor.
The brother / son line adds a rather punching familiarity to the words. The fact it is a stand alone image really focuses the eye to that moment, that street, that door. Dunno why but in my head I can hear your voice saying it. In that respect, it works rather well.
The ending line of “I’ll knock again another time” says a lot about the repetition of habits.
Neat little package this one. But that’s probably what you got at the door. 😏
Thank you for sharing. Mucho enjoyed.
The story telling in this is what makes the piece for me really. The fact this is in the drugs category makes it feel like the story needs to be told in the first place, alost as if the punch justified the whole journey. Viva la metaphor.
The brother / son line adds a rather punching familiarity to the words. The fact it is a stand alone image really focuses the eye to that moment, that street, that door. Dunno why but in my head I can hear your voice saying it. In that respect, it works rather well.
The ending line of “I’ll knock again another time” says a lot about the repetition of habits.
Neat little package this one. But that’s probably what you got at the door. 😏
Thank you for sharing. Mucho enjoyed.
2
Re: Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
30th Dec 2017 1:01pm
Hullo and good welcomes
This was a Sunday morning about 9am. figured it would minimize the risk of ending up on YouTube. cliche as it sounds, when the punches landed they lifted a weight
I had originally thought about fleshing it into a short story, but as with a lot of the stuff I'd like to write about concerning personal experiance, it gets too complicated
I didn't post it in drugs cat initially because I thought maybe it would dilute or take away from the act of thievery "I only did it cos I was addicted" type thing
thanks muchley for you visit and words, Lady
much appreciate d
This was a Sunday morning about 9am. figured it would minimize the risk of ending up on YouTube. cliche as it sounds, when the punches landed they lifted a weight
I had originally thought about fleshing it into a short story, but as with a lot of the stuff I'd like to write about concerning personal experiance, it gets too complicated
I didn't post it in drugs cat initially because I thought maybe it would dilute or take away from the act of thievery "I only did it cos I was addicted" type thing
thanks muchley for you visit and words, Lady
much appreciate d
Anonymous
- Edited 30th Jan 2023 2:45pm
30th Dec 2017 1:07pm
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
30th Dec 2017 2:20pm
Hello to you,
uncannily enough, I recently spent the last few minuites of awake-ness thinking about karma. the idea 'do onto others as you would have done onto you' is prevalent in all major faiths. I wondered
if it is a form of celestial sentencing for crimes commited. then wouldn't it mean we are being tried and sentenced (as it were) throughout our existence so we have a clean sheet when we move on
...the implications are staggering :),
thanks heaps and bunches for your presence and words, Lady
uncannily enough, I recently spent the last few minuites of awake-ness thinking about karma. the idea 'do onto others as you would have done onto you' is prevalent in all major faiths. I wondered
if it is a form of celestial sentencing for crimes commited. then wouldn't it mean we are being tried and sentenced (as it were) throughout our existence so we have a clean sheet when we move on
...the implications are staggering :),
thanks heaps and bunches for your presence and words, Lady
Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
Anonymous
24th Jan 2018 11:17am
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
24th Jan 2018 1:20pm
Hullo, welcome and good geetings to you
yeah, I've seen a few of the other's girlfriend things, and sisters and mothers. ..us men are a horny bunch ...which is just as well cos the women are horny-er
appreciate your words, good fellow. and thank you for dropping by and leaving them
yeah, I've seen a few of the other's girlfriend things, and sisters and mothers. ..us men are a horny bunch ...which is just as well cos the women are horny-er
appreciate your words, good fellow. and thank you for dropping by and leaving them
Re: Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
Anonymous
26th Jan 2018 1:03am
<< post removed >>
Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
25th Jan 2018 3:09am
That's a winner. Seriously, you clearly captured the potential pain in reconciliation after having wronged someone you love. Gotta man up and take it on the chin. Love it.
Encouragement to go forward with redemption.
Encouragement to go forward with redemption.
1
Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
22nd Feb 2018 2:50am
Re: Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
22nd Feb 2018 6:24am
Goodgreets
is what it is, Danny. thanks muchley for your words and presence. nice to see you here
is what it is, Danny. thanks muchley for your words and presence. nice to see you here
Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
Anonymous
6th Mar 2018 5:08pm
I like this
on so many different
levels ...
I apologize
if I couldn`t offer
anymore than that
bit of insight
~Devlin
1
Re: Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
19th May 2018 6:30pm
Hullo, lady
please forgive belated response. your insight is more than adequate, and more than welcome
*hat tip*
please forgive belated response. your insight is more than adequate, and more than welcome
*hat tip*
Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
19th May 2018 12:51pm
hello, i loved reading this .. you allowed me as a reader to see the consequences of your wrong actions, you let him hit you repeatedly...maybe you felt that is what you deserved so you never fight back, you let him release his upset towards you , and then his mother appeared and she told you of her upset, it shows to me that you felt bad over your actions and allowed the hurt ones to show their hurt towards you ..
i like how you expressed yourself throughout this ..
i like how you expressed yourself throughout this ..
1
Re: Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin �
19th May 2018 9:37pm
Hullo there, and welcome
very nice analysis, lady. appreciate your thoughts, and the time you put into laying them down.
*hat tip*
very nice analysis, lady. appreciate your thoughts, and the time you put into laying them down.
*hat tip*
Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
This is the longest (and best) poem by you that I’ve read in a while. It’s a powerful confessional piece, with a strong and coherent narrative-drive as well as a forceful theme. That combination is actually quite rare; I’ve read many narrative poems that ramble and don’t have anything like the clear eye for pace and detail that you display here.
It also avoids another frequent sin of the genre: self-pity and mawkishness. I was moved by how little you sentimentalise here. The only flaws I can pick are surface-level aesthetic things: I’m not keen on how you centre the text as I think it detracts from typographical symmetry, which is more visible when the text is placed at the left of the page; and square brackets strike me as ugly, though I can see how both these comments can be construed as nitpicks. JMHO, of course! x
It also avoids another frequent sin of the genre: self-pity and mawkishness. I was moved by how little you sentimentalise here. The only flaws I can pick are surface-level aesthetic things: I’m not keen on how you centre the text as I think it detracts from typographical symmetry, which is more visible when the text is placed at the left of the page; and square brackets strike me as ugly, though I can see how both these comments can be construed as nitpicks. JMHO, of course! x
1
Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
18th Jul 2018 3:13pm
Re: Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
18th Jul 2018 7:54pm
Hullo, Lady
thank you, very nice of you to drop in and leave your thoughts. muchlee appreciati
thank you, very nice of you to drop in and leave your thoughts. muchlee appreciati
Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
23rd Feb 2019 10:53pm
Re: Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
24th Feb 2019 11:51am
hullo
very kind of you to say, sir. and thank you for taking the time to say it. hoping to bring closure to this particular episode very shortly
very kind of you to say, sir. and thank you for taking the time to say it. hoping to bring closure to this particular episode very shortly
Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
31st Oct 2020 10:48pm
Loved the telling as well as the moral of the story, don't find that combination often.
Contra to the movie title, there are no bridges too far or perhaps one shouldn't wait until they come to it.
Yea, I'm trolling in reverse. :-))
Contra to the movie title, there are no bridges too far or perhaps one shouldn't wait until they come to it.
Yea, I'm trolling in reverse. :-))
1
Re: Re. Can't build a bridge without breaking skin
5th Nov 2020 5:13am
Hullo, lady
and welcome back. thanks for dropping in here and leaving your thought print. much appreciated. I think you're right about the bridges
and welcome back. thanks for dropping in here and leaving your thought print. much appreciated. I think you're right about the bridges