That Fateful Night

There was this one night...
I wanted to die,
I don't quite remember why.
I do remember what I did,
Well, what I took.
A couple doses of sleeping medicine,
A hanful of benadryl,
A few big swigs of coedine,
Previosly prescribed and never used.
Throw in a few shots of cherry liquor,
To wash the taste away,
And I was ready to sleep,
And praying not to wake again.
As I moved closer to my peace,
He came in from the other room,
He said he wanted to go to the hospital,
He'd been sick lately,
I thought he had gone to sleep...
But I pulled myself together,
I dragged myself onto my feet,
And we went.
And I sat in the waiting room
I was within inches of blissful darkness,
But couldn't let myself fall in,
Not here.
I waited, and waited, and waited...
And once we finally made it home,
I knew I had failed,
That I would wake in the morning,
And have to face another day,
Because I cared too much for him.
I couldn't let him suffer,
So I continue instead.
It's been a bit over a month,
And I haven't done anything so drastic since.
I can't help but wonder if he saved me,
Or condemed me
Some days I am not sure...
But I keep going,
Not quite wanting to die,
But not wanting to live.
I only continue for him...