An Ugly Fairytale

Once upon a time not so long ago
I was quite a lady charmer
A male entertainer
But the years have finally caught up to me at last
So no need to take a second glance
I'm no knight in shinning armor
Even though I still have a very big lance
See, you need me
Like you need another asshole in your pants
Sure we had ourselves some fun in the past
Like Hantzel and Gretel
But who are we kidding
Only one of them ever had a chance
See little Red Riding Hood
I'm just the big bad wolf in disguise
Not the Three Bears or Goldilocks
I'm just the cold porridge
And a not so good place to close your eyes
So I'll huff and puff and blow myself away
Rest In Peace tonight
Turning the pages of an old story
Because even those dam pigs didn't take me too school like you
Didn't even see it coming like those three blind mice
Very very cruel
Even being so fast
But what's a Cinderella to do
Find herself a slipper made of glass
Not home slaving like a tool
Because no matter how you add it up
One times zero has always been none
Yeah, you'd be better off fishing for Moby Dick
Inside a whale with a bucket full of bloody chum
Find Jack and his beanstalk and he'll give you goose eggs made of gold
But stay clear of me
The big ugly giant, fee fi fo fum
I'm dumb as a stump and slow
I'm falling like a tree
You know me
But you were born the beauty
I, the beast
There's no other way to put it
It's just the way it's going to be
When something goes bad it rots and becomes polluted
I'm who? Humpty Dumpty
Haha yeah, a rotten egg would do it
Even Pinocchio wouldn't lie
That nasty stench has never been diluted
You can tell by all the flies
In Ole' Mother Hubbard's cupboards
Just like me, empty inside
I'm not what you'd call a Prince Charming
I'm not even a cute little frog
Perhaps a stubborn jackass
Or an ogre
Yeah, but not so fast
I'm very good at what I do
When I'm not wandering around lost
In Sherwood Forest
No I'm not Robin Hood
Even though I've been seen in tights
Im a kicking mule
Being mean, and bucking people off
I'm a camel without a saddle to ride
Now just regular old dairy cattle
Tomorrow's stew
Ponder that for a while
But I digress
Don't listen to my psychobabble
I'm a total mess
And you're friggin Snow White
Being presented a very poisonous apple
Me .. Cheese
So please be careful
That you don't take a single bite
Because if you do accidentally
There's no reversal
And you could possibly die
In this ugly fairytale
I willingly and happily comprised