A Christmas Reflection

December brings with it the cold winter nights,
The white snow and blue lights,
The red fires and orange pyres,
And the chilling wind which seems to lift our fears,
If only for a little while,
And move them to a slightly better place.
The warm glow surrounding every evening,
The time spent with close friends;
Deep inside we're all quietly hoping for the ice to freeze our problems,
And for the sun to melt them away and run them to the rivers,
But we know that'll never happen.
Something radiates,
A deep nostalgia;
Remembering Santa Clause,
Dreamy beliefs, The North Pole.
We all wish they were real,
And as a child you almost hold on to those wishes
And swear never to let go,
Until all you're left with is a lonely bed,
A sleepless night,
A blank ceiling
And not a single thing to dream about.
Boxes full of disappointment;
Another electronic kit,
A new sweater,
They'll only carry me so far
Before these plaguing questions gnaw through my bones.
These gifts mean nothing,
Mere objects to pile on a shelf,
To collect dust and become a mere reminder of better times,
A reminder of years past
When your fears and insecurities were only a bit better.
"What am I doing here?"
Christmas could never answer,
No gift could ever tell me,
So I keep my face clear of tears,
Huddle close around the fire,
And keep wishing.
Oh Summer,
Please take with you this curse, this baggage,
For it only grows heavier as each page of the calendar turns,
And I fear it will soon cut my hands,
And shoulders,
And the weight will be too much for me to bear,
And I will crumble beneath your sun.
If only these prayers were heard,
If only someone listened to these wishes,
I'd take reassurance knowing that someday,
Somehow,
Something would happen.
But for now,
All I've got is shiney boxes
Coated with ribons
And all they can remind me of...
Is the lie.