deepundergroundpoetry.com
[88]
there's something about petite masculinity
the pure malice when it strikes
chokes out her mate
when she fucks
viscous until the fightback cracks
and spilt blood spells the end
my little fighter
when death metal dies
and everything bad comes to a screaming halt
the question beckons in unspoken meditations
watching the micro-motion of her lips and tongue
when nothing remains in this world of hate
her little skinhead abloom with femininity
and scar tissue blurs the birthmark of the führer
is there nothing good left in her to love
Written by
case28
(Alexander Case)
Published 15th Mar 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 13
reading list entries 1
comments 24
reads 1035
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re. [88]
15th Mar 2017 1:46pm
Re. [88]
15th Mar 2017 2:27pm
A suitably chilling poem full of violence, sadomasochism, and unbridled hate. It ain't pretty, but it's well-written. As for critique, a touch more clarity in the who, what, where, and why might help, but on a purely sensual level this packs a punch. x
1
Re: Re. [88]
I agree, I've stripped this poem back to bare bones with the intention to include it in a collection of short poems, but I remembered your last comment, pointing out that one of my short poems could stand alone... I had the same feeling about [88].
I appreciate the feedback and stoked you felt the punch.
I appreciate the feedback and stoked you felt the punch.
Re. [88]
15th Mar 2017 5:30pm
Re: Re. [88]
21st Mar 2017 11:40am
Re. [88]
Anonymous
15th Mar 2017 9:17pm
I know in the comments you mention this poem was inspired by another film character, but I'm drawn in my mind to the image of Evey in 'V for Vendetta' when she is tested and eventually transformed.
There's something poignant about the phrase "my little fighter" especially as a stand alone statement. This poem is all about the aggressive nature, and yet, is surprisingly tender in places. Skilful description.
This is a fine example of your use of parallel. Thank you for the read.
There's something poignant about the phrase "my little fighter" especially as a stand alone statement. This poem is all about the aggressive nature, and yet, is surprisingly tender in places. Skilful description.
This is a fine example of your use of parallel. Thank you for the read.
1
Re: Re. [88]
It's cool you felt the tenderness amongst the hate, because it's something that the film did very well. Maybe it's a man thing, but I found something strangely attractive about the female nazi antihero, and it's something I wanted to capture in a tribute to the film.
Thanks heaps for your great feedback and thoughts, Missy.
Thanks heaps for your great feedback and thoughts, Missy.
Re. [88]
16th Mar 2017 7:33am
she presumed to have found her destiny in the old ways: power begets glory.
perhaps there are women somewhere who never fell victim to love...
perhaps there are women somewhere who never fell victim to love...
1
Re: Re. [88]
A woman who never fell victim to love... sounds like the ideal kind of woman, Mr Feddeler.
Re. [88]
16th Mar 2017 5:12pm
I loved a skinhead - and this is here in this verisimilitude
when the goods all gone - you'll make do and love the bad in her
when the goods all gone - you'll make do and love the bad in her
1
Re: Re. [88]
21st Mar 2017 12:56pm
Perhaps one can not love with 20-20 vision... or do men make do when their carnal desires are fulfilled? Thanks heaps for your thoughtful comment, whale.
Re: Re. [88]
24th Mar 2017 11:16pm
Re. [88]
16th Mar 2017 5:29pm
The imagery of the "micro-motion of her lips and tongue" was astounding.
A mouthed oblation long after sound had been crucified.
An reflexive twitching holding onto meaning and life.
Very apt observation, Case. Even more so conveyed.
A mouthed oblation long after sound had been crucified.
An reflexive twitching holding onto meaning and life.
Very apt observation, Case. Even more so conveyed.
1
Re: Re. [88]
The film that inspired the poem was confronting and the actress was exceptional in her subtle silent moments. One of those films that draws you into the minute details.
Thanks for picking up on the micro motion line, Ahavati. I appreciate the feedback.
Thanks for picking up on the micro motion line, Ahavati. I appreciate the feedback.
Re. [88]
16th Mar 2017 6:04pm
another masterpiece - certainly got my grey matter firing and misfiring - if this doesn't make me write anything today nothing else will :-)
1
Re: Re. [88]
21st Mar 2017 1:07pm
I'm stoked if you walked away inspired by this poem, David. Thanks heaps for the feedback.
Re. [88]
16th Mar 2017 7:42pm
the narrative is what I love the most..clearcut, no lingering, no chaos..
minimal words, short verses..spaces..they speak, shapes..magnifies.., questions..
and then there's lot more as you you pack in bloody elaborations in s2, s4
verse 1.."there's something... ah, . this 'something' is sheer poetic cleverness whoever ropes in
'something" is poetic quotient in my term & you bring it on, its intensity intact. ..
and Case..i dunn know if you yourself noticed the wordplays in there...
rhythmic patterns & relativities join hands..I know these lil gems all fall in line by themselves
mostly unaware of creator hectic in the vigor-making..I think am making sense
" petite masciulinity -pure malice" 'fucks-viscous' 'meditations-micromotions' more there
..aw, am not petty dissecting what said in literal pieces here and there.
Noomi Rapace, the dragon tattoo girl made quite an effect on me in the titulatr role..I know
how this scribe would have breen conmceived.
brilliant work, and I need tpo create a separate RL for Case I hope:)
tq for this wonderful share..shine on
minimal words, short verses..spaces..they speak, shapes..magnifies.., questions..
and then there's lot more as you you pack in bloody elaborations in s2, s4
verse 1.."there's something... ah, . this 'something' is sheer poetic cleverness whoever ropes in
'something" is poetic quotient in my term & you bring it on, its intensity intact. ..
and Case..i dunn know if you yourself noticed the wordplays in there...
rhythmic patterns & relativities join hands..I know these lil gems all fall in line by themselves
mostly unaware of creator hectic in the vigor-making..I think am making sense
" petite masciulinity -pure malice" 'fucks-viscous' 'meditations-micromotions' more there
..aw, am not petty dissecting what said in literal pieces here and there.
Noomi Rapace, the dragon tattoo girl made quite an effect on me in the titulatr role..I know
how this scribe would have breen conmceived.
brilliant work, and I need tpo create a separate RL for Case I hope:)
tq for this wonderful share..shine on
1
Re: Re. [88]
There's a lot of wordplay and rhyming techniques used in this short poem, that weren't entirely conscious decisions during the writing process, the technique often works its way into a poem just from the process of writing, reading and rewriting, until the words and flow sound right.
I'm stoked the poem made it on your RL and thanks heaps for your great feedback, Uma.
I'm stoked the poem made it on your RL and thanks heaps for your great feedback, Uma.
Re. [88]
19th Mar 2017 9:05am
I've not seen the film, but you clearly get the character across in this piece. She sounds as fierce as a Jack Russell.
A powerful last line Alexander and I'm sure this piece will peak my curiosity to look into the movie.
Great writing. :)
A powerful last line Alexander and I'm sure this piece will peak my curiosity to look into the movie.
Great writing. :)
0
Re: Re. [88]
It's interesting you suggested Romper Stomper, because I watched Kriegerin (English title: Combat Girls) straight after Russell Crowe... and I have to say, even though the German film was heavily influenced by Romper Stomper, I liked it better for the storyline and the acting... the characters were just as fierce as Russell, but perhaps there was a little less overacting.
Thanks heaps for your great comment, Magdalena.
Thanks heaps for your great comment, Magdalena.
Re. [88]
1st Apr 2017 11:55pm
Re: Re. [88]
19th Apr 2017 12:00pm
Nice? Not even a "fucking nice?" Thanks man, great to see you loitering round these green walls again.
Re. [88]
12th Apr 2017 10:37pm
Re: Re. [88]
19th Apr 2017 12:01pm