deepundergroundpoetry.com
Overlord Drakarot the Insatiable
A shadow of gloom is cast over the dreadful castle as night falls.
Candlelight casts dancing shadows along the walls
deep inside, along cold brick halls
Fervid flesh merchants deliver obsequious servants
Naked and filthy, they bow in worship
Otherwise, they'd be shown no mercy
The sybaritic overlord examines the goods
Commanding one to rise, exposed, foul, and frightened, she stood
The young woman flinches as he fingers under the hood
The draconian King gestures for the others to rise
and profiles their eyes for defiance in disguise
Unwise to show acrimony, lest they are chastised
None, but one couldn't hide her defiance
She spitefully spat in the face of the tyrant
A nefarious grin formed on his face in spite of noncompliance
She folds her arms, as he nods for the guards
"Such charm" he sarcastically remarks,
"But, my dear, now is a good time for alarm"
Churlish, armored men aren't coy, bending her arms around her rear
Grinning from ear to ear, "thank you, my dear,
I'll revel in returning to you, your fear"
In chains, fury capriciously swapped for histrionic screams and sobs
Resistant, she flops, guards drag her away, "Tell it to the Gods...
Ladies, ladies, anyone else unhappy to be here?" Eyes down, none nod.
Candlelight casts dancing shadows along the walls
deep inside, along cold brick halls
Fervid flesh merchants deliver obsequious servants
Naked and filthy, they bow in worship
Otherwise, they'd be shown no mercy
The sybaritic overlord examines the goods
Commanding one to rise, exposed, foul, and frightened, she stood
The young woman flinches as he fingers under the hood
The draconian King gestures for the others to rise
and profiles their eyes for defiance in disguise
Unwise to show acrimony, lest they are chastised
None, but one couldn't hide her defiance
She spitefully spat in the face of the tyrant
A nefarious grin formed on his face in spite of noncompliance
She folds her arms, as he nods for the guards
"Such charm" he sarcastically remarks,
"But, my dear, now is a good time for alarm"
Churlish, armored men aren't coy, bending her arms around her rear
Grinning from ear to ear, "thank you, my dear,
I'll revel in returning to you, your fear"
In chains, fury capriciously swapped for histrionic screams and sobs
Resistant, she flops, guards drag her away, "Tell it to the Gods...
Ladies, ladies, anyone else unhappy to be here?" Eyes down, none nod.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
reading list entries 0
comments 17
reads 650
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 27th Dec 2019 12:45pm
2nd Dec 2016 6:14am
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. Overlord Drakarot the Insatiable
2nd Dec 2016 12:19pm
Thanks for the read. I'm stoked that you enjoyed it.
Just woke up, my brain isn't fully operational quite yet. Lol! Which part is ironic?
Just woke up, my brain isn't fully operational quite yet. Lol! Which part is ironic?
Re. Overlord Drakarot the Insatiable
2nd Dec 2016 10:51am
'Candlelight casts dancing shadows along the walls
deep inside, along cold brick halls'
'Naked and filthy, they bow in worship'
These lines I felt particularly alluring...I think it demonstrates how drawn to the dark and twisted we can be or is that just me :/ lol
I don't know why but when he grinned I also felt myself grinning and slightly aroused (perhaps the whole power thing or standing out from the crowd and feeling like you caught his attention being the challenging female you are).
But a love story it was not I quickly came to realise and I felt my stomach sink for me...erm for her :)
I really enjoyed this dark and brilliantly descriptive story can't wait to read your next one!
deep inside, along cold brick halls'
'Naked and filthy, they bow in worship'
These lines I felt particularly alluring...I think it demonstrates how drawn to the dark and twisted we can be or is that just me :/ lol
I don't know why but when he grinned I also felt myself grinning and slightly aroused (perhaps the whole power thing or standing out from the crowd and feeling like you caught his attention being the challenging female you are).
But a love story it was not I quickly came to realise and I felt my stomach sink for me...erm for her :)
I really enjoyed this dark and brilliantly descriptive story can't wait to read your next one!
1
Re: Re. Overlord Drakarot the Insatiable
2nd Dec 2016 12:25pm
Thank you thank you!! I'm quite critical of my story telling ability. I'm proud to see it improving before our eyes. But, definitely hope to see it further improved.
Glad we can share a bit of twist in our imagination. I'm as excited for the next one as you are! So many different angles it can be taken on.
You might also like my Infernal dreams series.
Thanks for the read hun! Have a great day! :*
Glad we can share a bit of twist in our imagination. I'm as excited for the next one as you are! So many different angles it can be taken on.
You might also like my Infernal dreams series.
Thanks for the read hun! Have a great day! :*
Re: Re. Overlord Drakarot the Insatiable
2nd Dec 2016 12:55pm
Further improvement...? wow we best watch this space!
Twisted sharing I love it. That's the beauty of writing I sometimes start off writing, scrap the first bit because I find it developing into something else almost writing itself.
Cool will have to have a look at that you might have noticed I'm working my way though your writes...
in no particular order :)
Twisted sharing I love it. That's the beauty of writing I sometimes start off writing, scrap the first bit because I find it developing into something else almost writing itself.
Cool will have to have a look at that you might have noticed I'm working my way though your writes...
in no particular order :)
1
Re: Re. Overlord Drakarot the Insatiable
2nd Dec 2016 1:36pm
Re. Overlord Drakarot the Insatiable
Chaotic this is masterfully told and thought out..
I was drawn into the story line and held spellbound
love the fear brought on by the overlord..
gave me chills this atmospheric write..
love Crim
I was drawn into the story line and held spellbound
love the fear brought on by the overlord..
gave me chills this atmospheric write..
love Crim
1
Re: Re. Overlord Drakarot the Insatiable
2nd Dec 2016 9:55pm
Hells' Queen herself!! What's up Crim? I'm super stoked that you enjoyed this. What pointers do you have for me?
Re: Re. Overlord Drakarot the Insatiable
2nd Dec 2016 9:59pm
I think you had the right amount of dark overtones that set this piece up really nicely.. I'm not that great at giving writing tips I enjoy each unique voice that is gifted to create as you are Chaotic keep up the gothic edge it works for you..
love Crim
love Crim
1
Re: Re. Overlord Drakarot the Insatiable
2nd Dec 2016 10:04pm
Re. Overlord Drakarot the Insatiable
4th Dec 2016 2:22am
A well told, dark tale with just the right amount of imagery to tie it all together...
1
Re: Re. Overlord Drakarot the Insatiable
4th Dec 2016 4:58am
Yeah!! Thanks Kas!! Thanks for the read, and the feedback!! You're cool like that!!
Re. Overlord Drakarot the Insatiable
7th Dec 2016 4:16am
The imagery in this one is just stunning!
I love the dark, twisted, gothic feel of this write!
Awesome write, Chivo!
I love the dark, twisted, gothic feel of this write!
Awesome write, Chivo!
1
Re: Re. Overlord Drakarot the Insatiable
7th Dec 2016 11:39am
Much gratitude! Duende! So pleased to be in a place where my creative demons can reign free!
Re. Overlord Drakarot the Insatiable
Anonymous
9th Dec 2016 3:01pm
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Re: Re. Overlord Drakarot the Insatiable
9th Dec 2016 3:57pm
That's been on my mind. I threw in a few here. Didn't think it was overwhelming. What's interesting is, I've read the work of others that littered their work with synonyms. I found it educational, but like you mentioned, it seems to take away from the imagery. However, I also believe, once I have done enough research, the words add to the imagery. But, again, wise advice, and I'll definitely be keeping it in mind. Thanks man. I appreciate the feedback.
Re: Re. Overlord Drakarot the Insatiable
Anonymous
9th Dec 2016 10:13pm
<< post removed >>