deepundergroundpoetry.com
Rain
Then, moisture
Where before dusty tarmac
Had lain in aching heat
Now it breathes
Scents of soaking grass
A touch of ash, a breeze
All those trees
Tall, imposing as spires
In the dreaming city
With canals flowing
Bitter man-made waters
Choking on debris
Rising now
As the sky water lilts down
To replenish the dead
All those souls
Turn to the soil
To feel a drop of life
As the ground soups
Becoming murky, a muck filled swamp
Sinuses quiver
The approach
Of lightning, sharp on the tongue
Like blood in your nose
All those smells
Shining liquid on tarmac
Is somehow sweetly familiar
Water planing
With the windows down
To catch a sniff, a memory
The air hangs
After, you can taste the mist
That lives in all of us
Where before dusty tarmac
Had lain in aching heat
Now it breathes
Scents of soaking grass
A touch of ash, a breeze
All those trees
Tall, imposing as spires
In the dreaming city
With canals flowing
Bitter man-made waters
Choking on debris
Rising now
As the sky water lilts down
To replenish the dead
All those souls
Turn to the soil
To feel a drop of life
As the ground soups
Becoming murky, a muck filled swamp
Sinuses quiver
The approach
Of lightning, sharp on the tongue
Like blood in your nose
All those smells
Shining liquid on tarmac
Is somehow sweetly familiar
Water planing
With the windows down
To catch a sniff, a memory
The air hangs
After, you can taste the mist
That lives in all of us
Published 30th Oct 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
30th Oct 2016 10:01am
31st Oct 2016 8:51am
30th Oct 2016 7:02pm
Your poetry is exceptional, I had a wonderful time reading your book tonight. I am so pleased I've had this oportunity.
If I may make a wee sugestion.
You tend to start each line of your poems with a capital letter, which indicates a new sentence. But you don't always write like that. You often have the continuation of the previous line... It makes the reading loose it's flow a little and that's sad because your words flow in a beautiful rythmn.
Example... (with my line edit)
"As the ground soups
becoming murky, a muck filled swamp
Sinuses quiver
The approach
of lightning, sharp on the tongue
like blood in your nose "
Hope I make sense.
Thank you for the reading though. I enjoy your writing.
Blue Skies @ You
Al-x-
If I may make a wee sugestion.
You tend to start each line of your poems with a capital letter, which indicates a new sentence. But you don't always write like that. You often have the continuation of the previous line... It makes the reading loose it's flow a little and that's sad because your words flow in a beautiful rythmn.
Example... (with my line edit)
"As the ground soups
becoming murky, a muck filled swamp
Sinuses quiver
The approach
of lightning, sharp on the tongue
like blood in your nose "
Hope I make sense.
Thank you for the reading though. I enjoy your writing.
Blue Skies @ You
Al-x-
31st Oct 2016 8:31am
Thank you so much for the brilliant advice :) I really appreciate it and thank you for reading my book you are too kind cutie!
