deepundergroundpoetry.com
TRICK
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The stair steps that lead which ever way home
don't give their secrets away easily,
as the way out is filled with aftermath
like shavings from when I'd frantically claw.
It's not too late, I try and tell myself,
and then realize I've lost track of time.
Deep'ning cracks in my orbital compass
abandon directions and my resolve,
mistaking the basement for the belfry,
dazzled just then by a trick of the light.
Jade's comment, updated: This was my "example" in my DUP competition "Don't Abandon Me", where there were twelve pictures to choose from to inspire a participant's entry. This one was my write based on #12.
.
The stair steps that lead which ever way home
don't give their secrets away easily,
as the way out is filled with aftermath
like shavings from when I'd frantically claw.
It's not too late, I try and tell myself,
and then realize I've lost track of time.
Deep'ning cracks in my orbital compass
abandon directions and my resolve,
mistaking the basement for the belfry,
dazzled just then by a trick of the light.
Jade's comment, updated: This was my "example" in my DUP competition "Don't Abandon Me", where there were twelve pictures to choose from to inspire a participant's entry. This one was my write based on #12.
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Published 24th Sep 2016
| Edited 30th Sep 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 0
comments 17
reads 1161
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
24th Sep 2016 7:12am
24th Sep 2016 7:29am
Hello! And thank you, GW, with my warmest regards. Will you consider possibly posting an entry while there's plenty of time?
(hint hint...)
(hint hint...)
24th Sep 2016 9:25am
25th Sep 2016 1:01am
24th Sep 2016 12:46pm
Beautifully sparse - the economy of language is exceptional
"Deep'ning cracks in my orbital compass
abandon directions and my resolve,"
absolutely devastating - in all the right ways -
Glad you can't enter your own competition, the field's tough enough 😉
love this
geoff
"Deep'ning cracks in my orbital compass
abandon directions and my resolve,"
absolutely devastating - in all the right ways -
Glad you can't enter your own competition, the field's tough enough 😉
love this
geoff
25th Sep 2016 00:53am
Thank you so much, Geoffrey, for the gift of your share & express. When I added #12 to the list, this piece revealed itself to me, as you see it now, it's familiarity completed in mere minutes.
-a grateful pebble
-a grateful pebble
24th Sep 2016 5:37pm
25th Sep 2016 00:47am
This piece took my breath away... I had to reread it!
It's not too late, I try and tell myself,
and then realize I've lost track of time. > these lines hit home...
Thank you for mentioning the competition, I'm gonna check it out!
It's not too late, I try and tell myself,
and then realize I've lost track of time. > these lines hit home...
Thank you for mentioning the competition, I'm gonna check it out!
(Congratulations, trophy winner of "Mythical Creatures"!)
Dearling Duende, I can't thank you enough for such an embrace, and I hope you will indeed join in! --Jade🌾
Dearling Duende, I can't thank you enough for such an embrace, and I hope you will indeed join in! --Jade🌾
25th Sep 2016 9:49am
Thank you so much for the congratulations :-)
You're welcome and yes, I'm gonna try (not a fast writer, but I have some time left)
You're welcome and yes, I'm gonna try (not a fast writer, but I have some time left)
24th Sep 2016 7:29pm
Excellent write, Jade. :) Images evoked are eerily surreal..like getting lost within oneself.
25th Sep 2016 1:05am
Exactly so..,
with humble thanks, dear Grace, for your lovely support.
ever
Jade🎏
with humble thanks, dear Grace, for your lovely support.
ever
Jade🎏
26th Sep 2016 7:46am
I wouldn't say this is dark..least not for my taste..but I would say it's some great ink. Good write
I appreciate your feedback, and yes, when I published this piece in the dark category, I knew it wasn't more obvious. But for me when I compose something on the dark side, it's often an undercurrent, more subtle. But if you end up enjoying it as a good read, then we are well met.
(welcome to the site)
(welcome to the site)
Anonymous
4th Oct 2016 7:03am
Love this, malady.. I swear you could write the alphabet and turn it into magic. Miss ya my dear friend.
✨Always peace Trish
✨Always peace Trish
4th Oct 2016 11:18am
I've been missing you too, dearest Trish, and I'm not as far away as you might think. I'll pm you shortly after I post this.
I gratefully thank you for your generous sentiment on my wordcraft, and feel blessed by such an embrace.
on the path,
Jade🐾
I gratefully thank you for your generous sentiment on my wordcraft, and feel blessed by such an embrace.
on the path,
Jade🐾
