deepundergroundpoetry.com
Body image
Pop diva princess
heart strings twinge it's
Sex selling music
Art form abuse that's
become commonplace
Criteria requires
looks to admire
dance to inspire
erection
Air brushed complection
Volumised hair extension
What was all ready beauty reaches a warped form of perfection
that upon closer inspection
Appears
More a shop window mannequin
heart strings twinge it's
Sex selling music
Art form abuse that's
become commonplace
Criteria requires
looks to admire
dance to inspire
erection
Air brushed complection
Volumised hair extension
What was all ready beauty reaches a warped form of perfection
that upon closer inspection
Appears
More a shop window mannequin
Published 29th Jul 2016
| Edited 17th Nov 2018
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 0
comments 6
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
29th Jul 2016 7:41pm
I ain't no judge, and do respect everyone's freedom and choices and yet at the same time, in the name of beauty, why fix something that ain't broken at all? provocative and evocative ink indeed..
30th Jul 2016 10:18pm
31st Jul 2016 2:12am
31st Jul 2016 2:33am
Anonymous
15th Oct 2016 9:57pm
Interesting piece: I appreciate the message, the brevity, and the quick pace of it.
To my ear, I think the line "dancing to inspire an erection" could use a little tweaking. It's the beginning of a three-line idea/image, but it doesn't line up with the following two lines as well as I think it could. They have a short, staccato sort of rhythm to them.
My suggestion would be to drop 'an' from the line, and perhaps consider changing 'dancing' to 'dance' as well. The 'an' gives the line a little more formality than the following two lines, and dropping the extra syllable gives it a more staccato rhythm. I think something along that line, to make it less of a mouthful within that set of three lines, would give it a little more punch.
To my ear, I think the line "dancing to inspire an erection" could use a little tweaking. It's the beginning of a three-line idea/image, but it doesn't line up with the following two lines as well as I think it could. They have a short, staccato sort of rhythm to them.
My suggestion would be to drop 'an' from the line, and perhaps consider changing 'dancing' to 'dance' as well. The 'an' gives the line a little more formality than the following two lines, and dropping the extra syllable gives it a more staccato rhythm. I think something along that line, to make it less of a mouthful within that set of three lines, would give it a little more punch.
Anonymous
24th Oct 2016 3:51pm
Ah yes, an all too common place sentiment, not just in the UK (fellow Brit) but spreading through the world like a plague I fear. Short little snippet with much to say. Thank you for the read.
