Battle with Reality

It begins to sting, as i start again to feel the pain.
I like the feeling, its so foreign to me.
Any feeling is foreign to me.
Under the canopy of numbness, i feel nothing but safe.
Safe is what i need, so i prepare for my day.  
 
Pills to forget, weed to soothe, and gin to wash it all down.
 
Just when i think i can handle the fucked up world around me,
I loose consciousness, I loose hours, days, and finally i awaken weeks later.
Barreling into sobriety, fists ready to swing.
 
Battling an unbeatable evil. I was a sucker from the get-go.
Black and blue oppose the setting sun.
Crushing any hope of a rise and shine
 
Pills to forget, weed to soothe, and gin to wash it all down.
 
Continuing this downward spiral I fight to keep my grasp,
one day ill open my eyes and see the world as God intended.
Beautiful, Holy, and Free.
But through my eyes tonight i see
Ugly, Dirty, and Vagrant.  
 
Hands around my throat and no chance to gasp for air.
Twisting and scratching at the hands of my fate,
Another loss for me, and another win for reality.
 
I glance to the mirror and see a stranger,
i wish i knew the eyes that are looking back at me.
Up and down i look, and my body is a hot mess.
I cant handle the voices screaming in my mind
So i get ready for the world.
 
Pills to forget, weed to soothe, and gin to wash it all down.