deepundergroundpoetry.com
cigarettes & sex
the sky stretched pale, persistent and thin
as moth’s wings; our thoughts transparent
our needs primitive
between
lust & greed
freed of stillness flowing to sea
ideology portrayed sequential and clear
yearning for chaos, maelstrom
storm becoming ‘Art’ of ashes
deep in valleys, high on hills
dark with deed innocence consumed
mouth to mouth, teeth to teeth
in stagnated breath
we swallowed pride
in halo of the night
between
cigarettes & sex
I asked you
to not interpret
method of my madness
watching the pendulum
of my heart
swing from passive hands
needing cruelty of words
mercury of thoughts
you gave me nothing, but
silence in measured weights
between
love & hate
crossing criss-cross'd threads
covering feeble bones
with molasses and honey
I laid there
in shame-less nakedness
next to you
watching you twirl
cylinder spiral'd world
between thumb and forefinger
inhaling
fire and passion
while I trembled
ebbed in web
feeling
the burn.
Image: random google find.
Published 18th Jul 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 20
reading list entries 6
comments 33
reads 1154
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 27th Dec 2019 12:45pm
18th Jul 2016 6:07am
<< post removed >>
18th Jul 2016 7:58am
There is something very passive, indifference about cigarettes which has always fascinated me (although i'm not a smoker) the analogy of heat and burn resonated very deeply with me for sometime that it became the focus of a passionate love gone astray, awry.
I"m honored it made it to your list Mourganna, pleases me greatly that you found it to be at par, thank you.
I"m honored it made it to your list Mourganna, pleases me greatly that you found it to be at par, thank you.
Anonymous
- Edited 27th Dec 2019 12:45pm
18th Jul 2016 8:48pm
<< post removed >>
I enjoyed the style and flow of this piece, how we're shown what is between lust and greed, between cigarettes and sex, between love and hate.
I also loved the ending lines
"while I trembled
ebbed in the web
feeling
the burn"
You do know how to send a piece off right.
Great stuff Vee, I thank you for sharing this piece with us all:)
`anonshadow😏
I also loved the ending lines
"while I trembled
ebbed in the web
feeling
the burn"
You do know how to send a piece off right.
Great stuff Vee, I thank you for sharing this piece with us all:)
`anonshadow😏
18th Jul 2016 8:02am
I'm hoping it came to circle with moth to the flame.
how we're attracted to vice and we take a chance to burn.
I"m glad i didn't disappoint you Anon, it means a lot to me :)
how we're attracted to vice and we take a chance to burn.
I"m glad i didn't disappoint you Anon, it means a lot to me :)
18th Jul 2016 9:38am
Art of ash. how sex & cigarettes go together,
how they both fall to ashes.
sex is often not pretty,
but myself, I like it that way...
how they both fall to ashes.
sex is often not pretty,
but myself, I like it that way...
18th Jul 2016 5:44pm
The aftermath is what makes poetry and needless to say you have discovered that secret lol
Thank you John :)
Thank you John :)
18th Jul 2016 2:02pm
I was immediately stricken with the circularity of the verse, Vee.
The moth to the very flame that burns it, and the moments in between.
Well done.
The moth to the very flame that burns it, and the moments in between.
Well done.
18th Jul 2016 5:48pm
A friend at another site told me she read it backwards also and it was just as interesting.
The intention of tying up the reference of moth to burning flames was not preplanned but after i wrote and looked it over, there it was which was a nice surprise even to me lol
The intention of tying up the reference of moth to burning flames was not preplanned but after i wrote and looked it over, there it was which was a nice surprise even to me lol
18th Jul 2016 6:34pm
Poetry has a way of inserting it's own meaning
despite what we intend. Just read it backwards;
it is very interesting, indeed.
despite what we intend. Just read it backwards;
it is very interesting, indeed.
18th Jul 2016 5:47pm
beautiful image opening - moth drawn in on the breath of a cigarette - fine write
18th Jul 2016 5:56pm
18th Jul 2016 7:23pm
your delicate weaving of words and emotions
tangles the tongue...
"while I trembled
ebbed in web
feeling
the burn. "
such satisfying closure to a poem..
tangles the tongue...
"while I trembled
ebbed in web
feeling
the burn. "
such satisfying closure to a poem..
19th Jul 2016 4:26am
The ones who put on a tough exterior are most often the most vulnerable and sensitive. To seem passive and indifferent becomes a shield but unfortunately at other's expense and that's what i tried to portray here.
I'm glad this caught your attention Naajir, thank you!
I'm glad this caught your attention Naajir, thank you!
19th Jul 2016 5:21am
Your poem has wonderful flow and I'm sure it finds some of yourself in there, which are always the best bits. The picture was random, but the words are not... ;)..
-ed
-ed
8th Feb 2017 4:00pm
Thank you very much Ed for your great feedback, sorry that i missed your comment and my very late response, my apologies.
21st Jul 2016 9:15pm
My lawd Vee! Your words hooked me from the very beginning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
" the sky stretched pale, persistent and thin
as moth’s wings; our thoughts transparent
our needs primitive
between
lust & greed "<---- I mean, the description, the imagery, and flow set the tone for a flawless poem.
Incredible creation you've allowed us to soak in. I'm fascinate by your pen's font.
Pen love~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
" the sky stretched pale, persistent and thin
as moth’s wings; our thoughts transparent
our needs primitive
between
lust & greed "<---- I mean, the description, the imagery, and flow set the tone for a flawless poem.
Incredible creation you've allowed us to soak in. I'm fascinate by your pen's font.
Pen love~
22nd Jul 2016 2:07am
The queen of hearts ...Rain you've rained such glorious opulences that i hope my next poem will be just as glorious.
It's strange, for a week my thoughts were concentrated on one singular thing but it never penned out and when i let it go this came to me, suddenly, instantly that it basically wrote itself.
Thank you beautifully lady for the RL and for your high praise, much love always xox
It's strange, for a week my thoughts were concentrated on one singular thing but it never penned out and when i let it go this came to me, suddenly, instantly that it basically wrote itself.
Thank you beautifully lady for the RL and for your high praise, much love always xox
22nd Jul 2016 2:10am
Add booze to this mix and this lady is all in....Excellent write, Vee darlin! :)
22nd Jul 2016 5:58am
You had the booze chilled in your latest so I just came over to your place and got it ;)
Thank MLady for your generous praise and RL much appreciation!
Thank MLady for your generous praise and RL much appreciation!
23rd Jul 2016 2:57am
26th Jul 2016 4:11am
lol i be damn if this didnt make me want a cigarette and some sex :) Ahhh Pure Awesomeness Vee...love the emotions this poem invokes,and how it lingers like clouds of smoke..Bravo!!!
28th Jul 2016 2:27pm
I hear cigs after sex is pretty much the icing on the cream lol
I find it so fascinating, i can watch someone smoke for hours and draw all kinds of thoughts on the way they hold, twirl, play, the possessive mindless obsession with the act and with the high...and then the passive way their eyes gloss over completely engrossed in their own world.
As you can tell, i've been observing this sort of act for sometime, it was a matter of time i wrote about it and here it is, so glad you liked it PD, go ahead and enjoy a puff :)
I find it so fascinating, i can watch someone smoke for hours and draw all kinds of thoughts on the way they hold, twirl, play, the possessive mindless obsession with the act and with the high...and then the passive way their eyes gloss over completely engrossed in their own world.
As you can tell, i've been observing this sort of act for sometime, it was a matter of time i wrote about it and here it is, so glad you liked it PD, go ahead and enjoy a puff :)
27th Jul 2016 4:30pm
Bjizus my beloved Vee!
.. .all in a poem, as I read
I ached.
Love this hun, love it true
-Howlings
.. .all in a poem, as I read
I ached.
Love this hun, love it true
-Howlings
7th Aug 2016 7:21pm
I think I will dive deeper into this world. The more i re-visit this, the more i want to convey my feelings and thoughts about it. Your encouragement is helping me greatly Miss Noire, thank you so much :)
28th Jul 2016 4:44am
Vee you rele your words with such gracefulness and emotion that it's hard to find words of all the thought your writes provoke during the read......enjoyed this very much......purple luv & hugs xo :)
7th Aug 2016 7:19pm
I like exploring the darker side of human sexuality and most often there isn't anything pretty about it. But that's what makes poetry and stories interesting.
Thank you beautiful Flower for liking it :)
Thank you beautiful Flower for liking it :)
7th Aug 2016 12:31pm
Brilliant piece of ink!
Love the flow of your words and the idea of the 'in between' (that grey area where it happens)
Love the flow of your words and the idea of the 'in between' (that grey area where it happens)
7th Aug 2016 7:17pm
8th Feb 2017 5:05am
An epic piece Vee...What grabbed at me each time I read it was.."dark with deed innocence consumed".And "you gave me nothing, but silence in measured weights".It is as if you don't have freedom to flee but like the moth you are pulled to the light...The ending you like the cigarette just linger
8th Feb 2017 4:16pm
Exactly! Sometimes we can't help but fall in love with the wrong person, there's a pull of gravity and no matter how much we resist, there we are like a moth to flame. I'm so glad you liked it Tim, your feedback is very much appreciated :)
8th Feb 2017 5:02pm
Sigh...Late to the show i am (hangs head in shame)
O Vee what can I say, afraid nothing better than the comments You've racked up here.
That's sure sign of The Greatness that IS Da Vee!!!
This style of Write is Your Emotive side at the forefront whilst that Beautiful mind fires on all cylinders!!!
I was lost in time when this was Written...but its impact was felt.
Seeing it again in the comp. reminds me the need to RL ;)
Good luck in the comp-But I think This one is a Winner!!!
O Vee what can I say, afraid nothing better than the comments You've racked up here.
That's sure sign of The Greatness that IS Da Vee!!!
This style of Write is Your Emotive side at the forefront whilst that Beautiful mind fires on all cylinders!!!
I was lost in time when this was Written...but its impact was felt.
Seeing it again in the comp. reminds me the need to RL ;)
Good luck in the comp-But I think This one is a Winner!!!
I did write this when you were 'away' but i promise you, you are somewhere in this-feelings felt or thought... i guess we carry everyone with us that have touched us somehow, somewhere as we criss-cross the map of our lives. I think i told you once or twice that i only have handful of very personal writes (the rest i can easily delete and never miss) tis amongst the few. Thank you for re-affirming what felt when you first saw it from a distance ;)
