Uncontrollable hands

Every bad choice, every bad decision
appearing from the shadows like a ghost.
Paranatural past, carrying secrets,
demons exhaling damaging messages.

Faceless entities circling, smirking.
Thoughts & voices, dizzying.
Trauma dripping, like thick, dark treacle.
Leaving a trail of smudged darkness

Staring at a brick wall, so understanding
Devastated, it listens more than humanity
Each brick individual in its being
Marks, scars, pieces missing

Remind me of who was always there
No, not the demons, We're well acquainted
Remind me of the people who cared
Enough to open they're god damn eyes

Look around, what did you see?
Didn't you see the trauma leaking from the cracks?
Didn't you hear the screams echoing inside the empty shell that sat in front of you?

Didn't you see the darkness slowly taking over?
Every inch of my skin, my eyes, my heart, eventually my soul, blackened by hate & fear.

Shrivelled, beaten, exhausted from fighting to be here.
Just breathing requires more strength than I have left inside me.

Last piece of me that wants to live, desperately reaches out.
Fingers wide, nails bleeding from trying to reach you.

I was asking you to help me up friend,
but you couldn't hear me over your own voice again.

"I just want to help you, you have to want help too"
Your begging me? Do you need me to translate that for you?

"I don't have time to repeat this process with you, why can't you leave the past in the past, let it go!"

I know, I know...

Your sick of my sadness,
Of my pity scars on my arms
As hard as it is for you to "deal" with
I'm even sicker of it than you.

I guess it didn't work, I'm not better,
Maybe....
People need more than words.

This write started out as one thing and ended as something completely different. I tend to notice, when I hit the zone, my mind takes over and things just spew out. I would love some feedback about whether this made sense or if it seemed like a manic type rant, if you related to it, hated it, loved it, just anything at all that you feel after reading this, I want to know. This piece isn't even really clear to myself. Thanks for taking the time to read :)