LITTLE SISTER

I wish I could tell you
And yet maybe I don't need to...
Horrible things have happened to me
Horrible things have happened to a lot of people
I'm not the exception
you are

How can I stop from resenting you for your charmed life?
When you are grounded and good, if maybe just a little bit entitled?
When you are thoughtful and kind, if maybe a little bit unaware of the gamut of suffering

You've been chasing cool, all your life since you knew what it was
I don't blame you
You WERE cool
You WERE too big for our little pool
the one that nearly drowned me, nearly took me over

Coolness is a type of standard, something worthy to strive for
It's just that it's not the only valid standard
and sometimes I wonder if you know that...

If you know that I am also okay in my own right
that finding you and your comfort is the "coolest" thing to do
(assuming we raise "cool" to a type of philosophical ideal of which it may or may not be worthy
and of course because "cool" is contextually defined, it is more or less a worthy ideal, depending on context...)

but the trauma of being uncool is a lasting legacy
Do you know this?
Do you know that you were born with something that haunts other people for their entire lives?
Do you understand this as a privilege to be treasured?

Millions of thoughts about you
an endless array, ranging from pure heart power, to ambivalent, to apathy, to anger...

And how to keep from condemning myself
It's not my fault
I'm not trying to be a victim I have no interest in that
I'm slaying
I'm good
I'm bad ass
but...
I also want props
and I also want credit
at least from myself
I mean when you go through an ordeal it's nice to get a certificate
hah!

Of course, it doesn't work that way, I know I know
but even so
I wish I could tell you
I wish you could at least kind of sort of know