deepundergroundpoetry.com
Crying
I cried into my corn flakes
A bowl left unfinished
I wept into my coffee cup
Stirring emotional latte
My tears flowed sitting
Standing and lying down
No respite from sobbing
Praying for dehydration
All to no avail whatsoever
Was I to weep for ever
Wearing red, sore eyes
Like badges of sadness
My guilt real and palpable
Despite my clear innocence
I could not shake it loose
A memory playing repeat
Over, over and over again
Holding my newborn son
Meant as a bundle of joy
A family celebration
He only lived for an hour
Lying against my chest
Held in a warm embrace
Real quiet for a newborn
No noises, no baby crying
Breathing heavily and sighing
I sang twinkle, twinkle
Little star to my little star
I felt him take his last breath
His only audible lullaby
The electronic screeching
Of his heart monitor alarm
That was the cue for crying
To begin and continue
Well wishers, the funeral
Dismantling the wooden cot
Packing away new clothing
Teddy bears, a blue, soft elephant
Re-painting the nursery
Back to just a guest room
All done wet and tear stained
It never, ever leaves you
Birthdays are really hard
36 years now passed
But the memories linger
As real today as they were
Way back then
Today I cried into my corn flakes
A bowl left unfinished
Happy birthday little one
A bowl left unfinished
I wept into my coffee cup
Stirring emotional latte
My tears flowed sitting
Standing and lying down
No respite from sobbing
Praying for dehydration
All to no avail whatsoever
Was I to weep for ever
Wearing red, sore eyes
Like badges of sadness
My guilt real and palpable
Despite my clear innocence
I could not shake it loose
A memory playing repeat
Over, over and over again
Holding my newborn son
Meant as a bundle of joy
A family celebration
He only lived for an hour
Lying against my chest
Held in a warm embrace
Real quiet for a newborn
No noises, no baby crying
Breathing heavily and sighing
I sang twinkle, twinkle
Little star to my little star
I felt him take his last breath
His only audible lullaby
The electronic screeching
Of his heart monitor alarm
That was the cue for crying
To begin and continue
Well wishers, the funeral
Dismantling the wooden cot
Packing away new clothing
Teddy bears, a blue, soft elephant
Re-painting the nursery
Back to just a guest room
All done wet and tear stained
It never, ever leaves you
Birthdays are really hard
36 years now passed
But the memories linger
As real today as they were
Way back then
Today I cried into my corn flakes
A bowl left unfinished
Happy birthday little one
Published 23rd May 2016
| Edited 3rd Nov 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 14
reading list entries 5
comments 21
reads 1080
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
23rd May 2016 4:57am
David words fail me dearest soul..
so sorry for your loss..
I felt your grief come pouring from the page..
hugs you tightly..
love Brenda
so sorry for your loss..
I felt your grief come pouring from the page..
hugs you tightly..
love Brenda
24th May 2016 9:01pm
thank you so much Brenda you have become a dear friend and your hugs and love are so very special - I am glad you felt the poem, it was one that was so personal, and your appreciation was so important :-)
Anonymous
23rd May 2016 5:15am
Oh David......I read this offline and had to come on and share tears with you......I'm sorry you had to endure such a loss that you would feel for a life time.......im glad that you got to hold him if even for a short time........bonded together with luv together for that hour.......thank you for sharing such sacredness......tipping my pen in respect and admiration in the strength you show in writing this.....sending you many prayers......extra luv & hugs your way xo :)
24th May 2016 8:58pm
it was the finest hour I have ever spent and despite my own selfish misery I would never want to forget - life is strange :-|
thank you so much for such kind words if you don't mind I will send those extra loves and hugs to wee david - sending you love and e-hugs right back at ya :-)
thank you so much for such kind words if you don't mind I will send those extra loves and hugs to wee david - sending you love and e-hugs right back at ya :-)
Anonymous
23rd May 2016 5:47am
I was expecting another laugh before getting the baby up...geez...gotta go blow my nose and pull it together first now. Then I might just get cry all over again when I pick her up!
an excellent pen here..true poetry.
thank you for this read.. it means a lot.
an excellent pen here..true poetry.
thank you for this read.. it means a lot.
24th May 2016 9:04pm
pick her up, hug her and always tell her how much you love her. I was so happy to here you say that this was "True Poetry" - that meant so much to me thank you :-)
23rd May 2016 9:57am
24th May 2016 9:06pm
It is my cross to bare, although I see it as a skill (lol)
If it made you go quiet then you must have felt it - the poem's work is done - thank you
:-)
If it made you go quiet then you must have felt it - the poem's work is done - thank you
:-)
This poem was heartfelt, I could feel it, I think every parent would. There's a very real vulnerability for a parent knowing that we won't always be able to protect our children, that some things are out of our control, and the fear of enduring a lifetime of helplessness and loss when a precious life is cut way too short... beautifully written and expressed. Well done, David.
24th May 2016 9:09pm
I am so thankful that a poet of your skill and stature could make such positive comments - it is so important that a poem that was so important to me was also well received - it gave me some cheer that this was the case
thank you sir your comment was so good to get :-)
thank you sir your comment was so good to get :-)
25th May 2016 8:45pm
David, I'm only 5 ft 10' and like Jesus I'm just a carpenter... we are comrades, we have no ranks, just an appreciation for the creativity we share. :)
27th May 2016 1:17pm
" I'm only 5 ft 10' and like Jesus I'm just a carpenter" - you can't do that water into wine thing can you ?????? - that would be most useful :-)
I agree with your sentiments, however, there are poets on DU I personally hold in high regard and getting positive feedback from these poets really means a lot to me, for better or worse, for me, you are one of those poets - it's purely a personal thing. It's the kind of thing where when you don't hear from certain poets on here you really miss their poems and comments, I kid of have a mental list and you are on it - I promise I am not a stalker (Maybe) :-)
I agree with your sentiments, however, there are poets on DU I personally hold in high regard and getting positive feedback from these poets really means a lot to me, for better or worse, for me, you are one of those poets - it's purely a personal thing. It's the kind of thing where when you don't hear from certain poets on here you really miss their poems and comments, I kid of have a mental list and you are on it - I promise I am not a stalker (Maybe) :-)
23rd May 2016 10:57am
Ouch... this hurts my heart. :( I can't imagine it ever getting easier... I'm sorry for your loss. Felt the emotion strong here. I'd never wish such anguish on anyone and wish there was a way to ease the pain. I hope this expression helped at least a bit with that. Deeply sad, excellent write
24th May 2016 9:12pm
I cried like a crazy person writing this and had to stop about 10 time and then go back to it - but once written I did feel a positive therapy eminating from it.
thank you for such positive and supportive comments :-)
thank you for such positive and supportive comments :-)
23rd May 2016 2:55pm
i can only echo the above comments. words fail me this time
It is an excellent write, all that i look for in a poem but oh my
i don't think i could bare to read it again
Take gentle care friend
It is an excellent write, all that i look for in a poem but oh my
i don't think i could bare to read it again
Take gentle care friend
24th May 2016 9:15pm
thank you my friend - it so helps if you feel the poem and clearly you do - to be honest I don't think I will read it again - man I am even getting emotional reading all the comments.
I am taking gentle care and hope you do the same :-)
I am taking gentle care and hope you do the same :-)
23rd May 2016 3:20pm
I don't know the words to say David! Endure and perhaps you will be reunited in the afterlife, if such a place exists. My hear goes out my friend!
JJ
JJ
24th May 2016 9:17pm
there are time I wish there was an afterlife - this is one of those times :-)
thank you for your heartfelt comments, they meant such a lot to me :-)
thank you for your heartfelt comments, they meant such a lot to me :-)
23rd May 2016 9:15pm
Brought a tear to even this hard nosed cow
Somtimes there just is no words...other than I read it, I felt it...an I hope that in writing it helped in some way of easing the pain a little
X
Somtimes there just is no words...other than I read it, I felt it...an I hope that in writing it helped in some way of easing the pain a little
X
24th May 2016 9:19pm
thank you for such a beautiful response and in all respects this poem has done it's job - especially as a tribute to the wee guy :-)
3rd Jul 2016 8:57pm
Wracked by shudders my spirit sniffles. My dearest friend, I am so very very sorry. Ah jeez Louise, David your agony, beautifully expressed. You were one hell of a father to your son in your short time together. If he'd aged, man you'd fucking rock, of that there's not a shadow of doubt. Love to you both,
me👣
me👣
