deepundergroundpoetry.com
rock bottom
My life is bland it's far from grand
my head is buried in the sand
i keep it canned
i keep it man'd
unhand me from this fucking strand
suicide is on my mind i've got a razer in my hand
i slash and gash my blood to the ground
i trash and smash my room around
i write on papper with my own blood please don't enter it's not a pretty picture
my head is buried in the sand
i keep it canned
i keep it man'd
unhand me from this fucking strand
suicide is on my mind i've got a razer in my hand
i slash and gash my blood to the ground
i trash and smash my room around
i write on papper with my own blood please don't enter it's not a pretty picture
Published 29th Jun 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Anonymous
29th Jun 2011 1:42pm
<< post removed >>
Anonymous
29th Jun 2011 2:43pm
I seriously hope this was a tongue-in-cheek effort on your part, because there is no way in Hell anyone would take it seriously. It's what Dr. Seuss would sound like if he had clinical depression @ 12.
The rhyme scheme, word choice, content, structure, and lack of punctuation are pubescent. Your refusal to capitalize the letter 'I' shows you are trying to hard to minimize the appearance of yourself and failing. It is not a literary device. It's merely poor form.
The rhyme scheme, word choice, content, structure, and lack of punctuation are pubescent. Your refusal to capitalize the letter 'I' shows you are trying to hard to minimize the appearance of yourself and failing. It is not a literary device. It's merely poor form.
29th Jun 2011 5:00pm
29th Jun 2011 9:43pm
I'd suggest you forget all about using rhyme for the time being and try to write without it.
Then you might begin to express your own thoughts honestly and eventually develop your own style.
I find the idea that someone contemplating suicide would worry about how their room looks rather an amusing one, but I suspect that wasn't your intention was it.
No matter, stay cool & please spellcheck your work if you wish to be taken seriously.
Best ~ Abra
Then you might begin to express your own thoughts honestly and eventually develop your own style.
I find the idea that someone contemplating suicide would worry about how their room looks rather an amusing one, but I suspect that wasn't your intention was it.
No matter, stay cool & please spellcheck your work if you wish to be taken seriously.
Best ~ Abra
12th Jul 2011 6:26pm
where it says dont enter it's not a pretty picture witch it isnt when you walk into someones room blood everywhere... let's just say i came up with it from experience i ended up getting sectioned off afterwerds.
