The Plague of Numb-Numb in Mens Pants

 
A good friend of mine  
confided he has a problem  
something I guess us guys  
just take for granted,  
that your pecker's always  
gonna work  
whenever the time feels right  
 
I mean aside from one occasion  
when he may have been drunk or high  
(caught it in the wardrobe  
on his way to the bathroom--  
a common mistake)  
there's always been service on demand  
As and when required  
it's never let him down,  
until now  
 
But what occured the other day  
without a word of warning  
or symptoms of any kind  
scared him worse than getting a job  
Mr P just refused to perform  
failing to stand to attention  
even when a hot young lady  
who he knows for a fact is sweet on him  
was visiting his room on the fly  
and no amount of dick doodling and canoodling  
or hunting salami on safari  
could inspire the boy to rise  
 
Can you imagine the shame he's been through  
He even had tears in his eyes  
 
Should he see a doctor  
or just sit tight  
maybe for a little while at least  
until Mr P gets re-aligned  
decides to pull his shit together  
and puts in a shift like a man  
 
I said there's no need  
to panic right away  
Taking the chemical route  
is surely a last resort  
reserved for grandaddys  
and the like  
and I don't know what you think  
but for me popping a pill  
to get yourself a hard on  
just doesn't sound  
any kind of right  
 
So my friend began searching  
for answers to his problem online  
 
He  
could  
not  
believe  
 
How much help  
from all over the world  
that's available out there  
and how many other poor guys  
were suffering  
from the exact same affliction--  
a real pandemic of epic proportion  
a plague of numb-numb  
in mens pants  
 
What surprised him most  
was that all those  
clean cut boys  
who seemed so willing to be photographed  
were happy to talk so openly  
about the delicate nature of their problem  
and every one of them
had a perfect wannabe a millionaire smile  
 
Next he read about secret herbs  
from the jungles of Africa  
guaranteed to make depressed wild elephants  
rampage and rise  
and a hundred aphrodisiac foods  
ten times more powerful than a crock of oysters  
or a blow job marathon at Varsity High  
 
He discovered he could enrol today  
at a special orgasm academy  
that operates near you  
where they retrain your pecker  
to fly first class  
tripling your testosterone  
in the shake of a snaky eye  
 
There's even fake pussy running on solar power  
that massages your balls  
while it licks your ear and squirts  
whispering 'Fuck me baby'  
in seventeen languages  
including Chinese  
offered next day delivery  
at a remarkably reasonable price  
 
But my friend's no fool  
he skipped past that one real quick  
because everybody knows there's nothing  
ever gonna trump  
the taste of juice  
from the real McCoy  
 
And after all that research  
my friend felt worn out  
He took a siesta and dreamed  
then woke up with a boner  
higher and friskier  
than a mile of monkeys on heat  
 
So then could it be  
that sometimes  
a little rest  
from what we all love doing the most  
is the only thing you need?