Always Never, Never Always

I always ask if you’re happy with me.      
You laugh. “Why wouldn’t I be?”      
You never say more.                            
But I always want to know.                                  
                                   
I never know where you are.    
Why you are are always out of reach.                      
I always wonder about your past.      
You always change the subject.                                    
                                   
You're always teasing me.                                      
“Come on, it’s just a joke!”                                  
I tell myself never to cry around you.    
You say it makes you uncomfortable.                                  
                 
I always love when you notice me      
in the subtle things others overlook,      
or when you say I'm talented      
or that I should write a book.                                  
                                 
I love when you remember      
to pull the blankets so I don't shiver        
you never forget to say goodnight          
with a touch that makes me quiver.                                    
                                   
I always beg you to stay longer                                    
you'd say “I wish I could.”                                  
Your eyes are always sad --                              
from your broken childhood.                                
                   
I always dream about the future.        
You always want to know what it is I dream.                                  
I dream that we'll be happy                                  
though you reply, "We might not be."                                    
                                   
I always ask if you will stay.                                 
           
You grin and say                                  
“Forever.”                                  
“That’s a long time.”                                  
“Never as long as you think.”                                  
                                   
I always tell you I love you                               
And wait for you to say it back.                                  
After all this time I realize:                      
You’ll never be ready for that.