Checkmate

oh wow i love the structure of this and lay out
 Titties jiggling  
Motorboat  
Dick sucking  
Deepthroat  

 Loud moaning  
Falsetto  
Six inch  
Stiletto  
theses are epics lines, falsetto six inch stiletto haha harsh and funny

Lol scratch the last part okay everything else you know what's up haha

i know of no such thing lol

Lol always a hard ass. You will, is that better lol

Oooooohhhhmmmyyyyggoooooooooddness!!! Wow... Raw n freaking super hot imagery! Mmmmm a yummy spill here! lil

Lol thank you I'm still umm I guess warming up. And your welcome? Lol

I think the most powerful aspect of the piece is the rhythm throughout. It plays out like a sex montage, the short stanzas peppering the reader like jabs in a boxing match. Great write.

I must ask though if you meant desert or dessert in the following lines:
"Tongue tricks
Expert
Drizzled cum
Desert"

Either one could work, but the message of the poem changes a little.

Yes I like how you worded that. That's what I was going for (: and I definitely meant dessert! Thank you for catching that. And thank you for the feedback it's greatly appreciated (:

Red, a very luscious erotic write.. love your flow, and wordplay.. nicely done.. welcome to DU.. much respect..



Dave

Thank you dave (:

This is a very effective use of words. Keep it up!

Why thank you sir (:

This was hot!
Great rhythm and flow.
Love the six inch heels of course ; )

Lol thank you Lena I was hoping people would get the whole  
Loud moaning  
Falsetto  
Six inch  
Stiletto part  
 
And yes I thought it was a nice touch (:

Creativity at its finest.Nicely done!

Thank you!

nice this
yesterday i saw a gal
she smiled and when i showed her a sixer
she fled and cursed
she wanted a donkeys  
I ran after her
pray
DO stay another day I
will fetch an elephant's
he has 48 inches

he will lift you too
and
to heaven  maybe  you will fly
as he his kicks you sky high
and then bathes you in a gallon of cumm

lady six u say  
you will be fucked
for ever  
so do stay another day

she snarled
and
fucked away
from my way!

well done

A gallon of cum!? Lol

yes elephants have 60 inches  
like an L
till like a   leg
it stretches

then when  she has had it all in  
standing
as elephants are weighty  
a gallon does spurt in

ask any zoo keeper  

so that's one reason
elephants are going extinct
so much cummmmm is needed  
for  just a small kid

like we have but we have
millions of sperms to choose from
only one sucker  
runs to suck in
and
you  in  your quieter moments
to vomit  begin

that doesn't happen to elephants
a gallon makes it
at once
go see one
big one
thicktoo
which will give convulsions to you

Such interesting information. Thanks for that.. Lol

lllllllllllllllllllll   ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo  LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

A passionate game of chess you have played in this verse...
Placing the castle knight under a seductive curse
You took the King at cupcake and placed his heart in checkmate
This pawn baked into a fruitcake  is now served upon your plate...
Well done indeed!

jj

Lol this pawn baked into a fruit cake love it I'm glad you enjoyed (:

Ain't no sleep. Time for round two

Sleep is for the weak eh?