this home is not my home

"calm collected center"
heated hormonal
mess.
 running fingers up and down,smearing walls with mud
you know I know you hate this,
but you'll love me all the same.
untill I call you crazy, and you'll lock your love away.
this life was never simple, this house is not my space.
i'll lie upstairs uneasy- till morning takes my place.
this home was never meant for me,
i call it not by name.
the same the same, you say
but lies they are the same.
four walls- a prison-
a fifth will make no difernce
(no more no more)
i speak of drastic measures and bashing down the door.
vile words litter floors
that know not tapping feat and smiles
sweep away disheartment; the glitter and the pain.
this noun is not a home;
if only true to me