deepundergroundpoetry.com
Pied Piper Poems
Unnecessary expletives. Fucking. erupt from your page,
napalm the villagers who rise up with pitchforks!
Only those with insight to see beyond
rants wrote, shock-n-awe scribblings, or psychiatric paper pleas
ingest, then vomit your faux fruit.
Get a fucking clue!
It's not awesome, it's not clever, and
no amount of cunt-fisting-psycho-serial-animal-fucking-child-porn-murder will
avail your Orpheian sacrifice any deeper meaning.
Let's have a poet-pity-party:
and so, you take blade to frail shell? So what?
Neuroses gnaw at your dead poets society petition. So what?
Depression and depravity are your bed-mates? So what?
Brilliant, bravo, are the cheers of the Hitler youth.
Open your fucking eyes!
Read between the lines, or is your
intellect incapable of amassing enough
neurons to fire at once, that you might
garner anything but the shallow-grave synopsis?
Stop! For the love of all that is...
holy fuck! you can't stop, can you?
ingrained is your need to keep pouring out
this same old shit.
By DB (06/16/2011)
napalm the villagers who rise up with pitchforks!
Only those with insight to see beyond
rants wrote, shock-n-awe scribblings, or psychiatric paper pleas
ingest, then vomit your faux fruit.
Get a fucking clue!
It's not awesome, it's not clever, and
no amount of cunt-fisting-psycho-serial-animal-fucking-child-porn-murder will
avail your Orpheian sacrifice any deeper meaning.
Let's have a poet-pity-party:
and so, you take blade to frail shell? So what?
Neuroses gnaw at your dead poets society petition. So what?
Depression and depravity are your bed-mates? So what?
Brilliant, bravo, are the cheers of the Hitler youth.
Open your fucking eyes!
Read between the lines, or is your
intellect incapable of amassing enough
neurons to fire at once, that you might
garner anything but the shallow-grave synopsis?
Stop! For the love of all that is...
holy fuck! you can't stop, can you?
ingrained is your need to keep pouring out
this same old shit.
By DB (06/16/2011)
Published 16th Jun 2011
| Edited 29th Jun 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
reading list entries 1
comments 12
reads 729
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
16th Jun 2011 7:39pm
im really starting to dig your content, guy. i'd like to argue with you sometime ;)
16th Jun 2011 7:42pm
No you wouldn't, STFU!
Thanks for taking the time the read. Feel free to stalk my mind and pick out the flaws, particularly (read: especially) those that show up in my poetry.
Thanks for taking the time the read. Feel free to stalk my mind and pick out the flaws, particularly (read: especially) those that show up in my poetry.
17th Jun 2011 8:57pm
I say this is good.. I think I may know what and to whom it is for, but I shall say no names. You went ape shit which is good.. I like ape shit lol
I'll continue on to the next poem see what I see. From funny man bee
I'll continue on to the next poem see what I see. From funny man bee
17th Jun 2011 9:15pm
This was fun to write I will say that, and probably the first real time that I've had a major catharsis while writing poetry.
In truth, it isn't really aimed at one particular individual or group of individuals.
Thanks for stopping by.
In truth, it isn't really aimed at one particular individual or group of individuals.
Thanks for stopping by.
Anonymous
- Edited 29th Jun 2011 2:23pm
29th Jun 2011 2:22pm
I'm impressed by how many expletives and rhetoric devices you were able to pack in and ram home the point of your opening statement. That's pretty rad-i-kewl, brah.
[vomit your faux fruit.] is pretty well projectingly fitting.
[no amount of cunt-fisting-psycho-serial-animal-fucking-child-porn-murder will
avail your Orpheian sacrifice any deeper meaning.
let's have a poet-pity-party:
and so, you take blade to frail shell? So what?] This morsel is tastylicious ;)
S1 L1 'erupts' should most likely be capitalized.
S1 L10 'let's' might need a capital as well (not to confuzzle your audience with a capitol).
S2 L2 'neuroses' needs the same as the above, as does S2 L3 'depression'.
Your penultimate and final lines are so stellar you should have added homoglyphs for em-phA-sis.
Did you laugh so hard you peed yourself while writing this? It's quite friggin' brilliant.
[vomit your faux fruit.] is pretty well projectingly fitting.
[no amount of cunt-fisting-psycho-serial-animal-fucking-child-porn-murder will
avail your Orpheian sacrifice any deeper meaning.
let's have a poet-pity-party:
and so, you take blade to frail shell? So what?] This morsel is tastylicious ;)
S1 L1 'erupts' should most likely be capitalized.
S1 L10 'let's' might need a capital as well (not to confuzzle your audience with a capitol).
S2 L2 'neuroses' needs the same as the above, as does S2 L3 'depression'.
Your penultimate and final lines are so stellar you should have added homoglyphs for em-phA-sis.
Did you laugh so hard you peed yourself while writing this? It's quite friggin' brilliant.
Thanks so much for your detailed poetic autopsy bullshit ;), I actually appreciate it very much. I'm glad you were able to peer through the water rather than just watch the ripples on the surface. Having said that I wonder if anyone has noticed something particularly obvious and fundamental to the poem structure, but I can't possibly say what it is lest I spoil the "surprise".
I will no doubt be making some changes to this under your advisement. I'm inclined to agree with your capitol analysis. :)
I hadn't considered homoglyphs, I like the idea of the mockery involved but I have reservations that it could be perceived as "stooping to their level". Perhaps the poem already does that.
Anyway, thanks again for the honest critique.
I will no doubt be making some changes to this under your advisement. I'm inclined to agree with your capitol analysis. :)
I hadn't considered homoglyphs, I like the idea of the mockery involved but I have reservations that it could be perceived as "stooping to their level". Perhaps the poem already does that.
Anyway, thanks again for the honest critique.
29th Jun 2011 4:47pm
I only now got the full sweetness of your structure. Amusing write, and well brought.
29th Jun 2011 4:59pm
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Glad you've seen the light! :)
Anonymous
1st Jul 2011 6:04am
You mean the UNORIGINAL AND BORING SHIT? :)
1st Jul 2011 1:05pm
29th Jul 2011 1:06am
29th Jul 2011 1:10pm
I'm honored to be the exception, I'd really like to know what I did (right?) to be considered the exception.
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Thanks for reading and commenting!
