deepundergroundpoetry.com
intolerance
my stories are vacuous dreams,
they always begin the same:
‘I am in the shadows watching a beautiful woman;
one day it rained. one two; one two.’
(some women are more beautiful than the dark.
some are prettier in the dark, with more nobility
than the light can show.)
in this story, I am wilful: it fits my harsh mood. you
are there as a decoration, part of the furniture. if I
want to slam my glass on the coffee table, I will. if
I want to pinch your ass, I will pinch it, & you can
pray that it’s all I do. or you can hope that it isn’t.
you’re always turned away from me, as if your eyes
would tell me too much. I can only imagine their
insolence, & their color. I’ve seen you naked, but your
face remains blurred, obscured by a veil of caution.
cautious, because you’re afraid. that’s good.
I ponder your hesitation; it makes me believe that you
are tormented by your own heart. how many men have
said they love you, & how many have you refused? but
there is a pain in the pit of my stomach when I wonder
how many you’ve accepted…
…a love story has a measure of success only if the lovers
embrace in the final line & gaze at the moon. I must cap
my pen because I don’t know where my intolerant dreams
will take me. or if you will be with me.
and the rain obscures my vision…
if I say your name, will you turn?
(Art: Andrew Gnezdilov)
Published 22nd Jul 2015
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likes 17
reading list entries 4
comments 13
reads 1816
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 25th Sep 2020 3:45am
22nd Jul 2015 1:37am
<< post removed >>
Anonymous
22nd Jul 2015 1:38am
will i turn? well, it depends on the tone of your voice.
i like the reflectiveness in this piece. so often you tell a sordid tale of a wild woman and the words drip from the screen like warm honey. but this...this is a whole different picture. i like it.
i like the reflectiveness in this piece. so often you tell a sordid tale of a wild woman and the words drip from the screen like warm honey. but this...this is a whole different picture. i like it.
22nd Jul 2015 2:06am
"if I say your name, will you turn?"
~Slammed it home with your last line, you did..perfect pen SirJ!
"some women are more beautiful than the dark."
~gorgeous truth in the shadows..
shiny days to you.. ;)
~d
~Slammed it home with your last line, you did..perfect pen SirJ!
"some women are more beautiful than the dark."
~gorgeous truth in the shadows..
shiny days to you.. ;)
~d
22nd Jul 2015 2:53am
John this ink is dominant and masterful.. so many gems in this ink.. a poet of the highest caliber you are with love Crim
22nd Jul 2015 3:43am
22nd Jul 2015 5:34am
I enjoy the way you weave in and out of action based on experiences vs. movement based on inferences, both of which one must use in a relationship
22nd Jul 2015 9:09pm
There's always that element of mystery. I find tolerance is the way to go in dealing with an Enigma. Anything less can be dangerous.
Anonymous
22nd Jul 2015 9:13pm
What an interesting way to begin a love poem "my stories are vacuous dreams,
they always begin the same:". Great writing. Classic tale of love's torment with an unexpected twist. Nice.
they always begin the same:". Great writing. Classic tale of love's torment with an unexpected twist. Nice.
23rd Jul 2015 1:49pm
A very strong narrative, letting atmosphere tell the story. As mentioned, its also reflective that has a somber tone to it. Remorseful, yet an undertone of anger and understanding. And the begging question at the end...we all want her to turn around, but will she?
23rd Jul 2015 6:06pm
An assailing tone. A salty kiss upon wounds. Only a strong woman could endure the welting storm of your words. Sincerely - blue angel
24th Jul 2015 5:29am
So.. you twist & ring the heart,
bite it for taste & lick its
embedded grooves.. palpitate
..it does
bite it for taste & lick its
embedded grooves.. palpitate
..it does
25th Jul 2015 3:09am
This unfolded with Elegant Ease...flowed effortlessly..Sensational Scribe John
17th Aug 2015 3:12pm
Masterful ink as usual Sir. I was pulled in as I always am by your writing and hung on each turn of phrase and the way you work your magic.
