I don't kiss boys I don't know

I tell you it’s sexy
when you wrap your hands
around my throat
and say you want to choke
the life out of me

It’s not
not the way you want it
but lying is easier
than begging for mercy
at your cigarette stained fingertips

You laugh and let
your fingers drop
take another swig of wine
and go back to staring
at my mouth

I’ve perfected the smile
that makes you want to kiss me
but your vino breath will never reach my lips
because time has made me
a different kind of girl
than the one you’re looking for
tonight

I don’t tell you that you remind me
of my ex
that once planned to make his ex
dig her own grave
before he beat her to death

We sat around smoking
too much weed with a friend
and under the guise
of stoned misogyny I was the only
woman worth raging at in the dark
when all other candidates
happened to be elsewhere

I remember the way
they looked me over
told me how they wanted
to hold me down
and make me bleed
before dismissing the idea
with the comment
“but she’d probably like it”
because I used to be
that kind of girl

And in the present day night lights
you’re not the first guy
that’s tried to follow me home
grabbed parts of my body
you’ve got no ownership to
like non-consensual groping
is your in-born privilege
for having the fortune
of being born with a cock

Never mind that I’ve made
my position clear
and it’s not to tell you
how I like it in bed

So, I tell you it’s sexy
when you wrap your hands
around my throat
and say you want to choke
the life out of me

And take the opportunity to run
when you’re too drunk to stand up
let alone pin me down
for a different kind of night

© Indie Adams 2015