deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Silent Fellow Wanderer
I am the molten candle wax
Surrounding your firm blaze
Your passion liquifies me
I am powerless to your gaze
You are the lighthouse beacon
Guiding my ship to port
I look to you for safety
I trust in you to lend support
I am a lonely traveller
And you the man in the moon
A silent fellow wanderer
In the all too morbid gloom
You are the light of all my life
My most beloved companion
Illuminate a path for me
And be my bravest champion!
ŠTanzen Lilly 2015
Surrounding your firm blaze
Your passion liquifies me
I am powerless to your gaze
You are the lighthouse beacon
Guiding my ship to port
I look to you for safety
I trust in you to lend support
I am a lonely traveller
And you the man in the moon
A silent fellow wanderer
In the all too morbid gloom
You are the light of all my life
My most beloved companion
Illuminate a path for me
And be my bravest champion!
ŠTanzen Lilly 2015
Published 29th Jun 2015
| Edited 5th Jul 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
reading list entries 1
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The author encourages honest critique.
29th Jun 2015 6:49am
"I am a lonely traveller
And you the man in the moon "
Love the yearning call felt in this one, wandering alone, yet knowing he's out there somewhere. A great flow to this piece as well.
Truly enjoyed.
Michael
And you the man in the moon "
Love the yearning call felt in this one, wandering alone, yet knowing he's out there somewhere. A great flow to this piece as well.
Truly enjoyed.
Michael
16th Jul 2015 11:38pm
1st Jul 2015 2:56pm
You have an wonderful way with verse and cadence. Check your words and ask yourself, "Do I need this word? Can the sentence say the same without it?"
An example would be the second stanza:
You are the lighthouse beacon
Guiding my ship to port
I look to you for safety
I trust in you to lend support
Do you need "in"? How would it read without it?
An example would be the second stanza:
You are the lighthouse beacon
Guiding my ship to port
I look to you for safety
I trust in you to lend support
Do you need "in"? How would it read without it?
1st Jul 2015 7:41pm
Genuinely inspiring work Odette. Great structure and rhyme scheme, both perfect for safe passage.
16th Jul 2015 11:39pm
7th Jul 2015 4:25am
7th Jul 2015 11:46pm
4th Aug 2015 9:48pm
I was going to respond here in a comment to this, but it inspired me to write a poetic response:
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/212365-you-give-me-purpose/
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/212365-you-give-me-purpose/
4th Aug 2015 11:45pm
