deepundergroundpoetry.com

The Haunting of a Stranger's Disappointment

I owe nothing to you.
Random stranger.
But still I feel sorry,
Sorry that I couldn't help you.
But you see I have this problem
inside of my head.
It makes me freeze, stutter and
sometimes wish I was dead.
So I can't be your crazy girl
because I'm already one.
The girl with the memories that'll never go away.
The girl with the memories that are stuck in her head.
Stuck in the dark with the monsters.
I can't be your crazy girl.
But I've already been casted as one.
So let me just get my books.
And please be on my merry way.
You are very nice and I am flattered.
No I don't want to see it.
I don't know what tricks you have in store.
For me, up your sleeve.
I don't want to go with you.
Just leave me be alone.
Grab my books about other crazy girls.
And then let me just go home.
I can't be in your movie.
I can't be your emotionally unstable star.
Even if your intentions are pure.
And you ask politely and nicely
Even if your brown eyes seem honest and welcoming.
I can't go with you.
And I will not.
Thank for leaving me.
But why did you leave this feeling of guilt with me?
This feel that made want to burst out crying.
I want to help but I can't.
There's too much fear,
too much self-hatred,
too much paranoia in me.
I can't be in your movie.
I am not an actress.
To say I am would be a lie.
I'm barely good at the things I love.
Don't try shoving a different thing in mind.
I am not sane.
I am not sound of mind.
I am the faint of heart.
I'm sorry but I can't help you.
Ask someone else, take away your guilt.
Leave me and give my mind some peace.
I can't be your crazy girl.

Now the sadness & disappointment in your eyes.
Will haunt me I hope you know for the rest of my days.
I am the girl in your movie.
Whose memory will never stop.
Whose heart will not cease to break.
Whose mind will never stop racing.
Whose tears I will never cease to cry.
I am the girl from the movie.
A character set up for center stage.
Lights, camera, action!

Look at what you've made.