A Matter Of Trust

I have these words residing in my heart,
but my lips long since sewn shut,
my throat begins to burst because of this pressure.

And with a severe lack of grace
my emotions crash onto the shore,
sweeping you onto your face.

But this time around,
I gave myself some time to think
and this time, I've put my words more clearly into ink.

Trust.
What is it?
It may be saying something like this,
"Here. Hold this."
You hand another person your heart.
And it may be that its in pieces already,
it may be that its bleeding already.
But that person has been entrusted
to help hold your busted... heart.

I went on a walk with you,
Through the dark with you,
and yeah, I was scared as hell,
But I made my body stay,
despite the strong attempts it made to stray
far, far away.

I like to believe the best of people,
I like to believe that everyone can change.
But your actions,
past and present,
are telling me a much different story, perfectly captioned.
You don't want to change.
So ignore me, my feelings, like I'm nothing.
Ignore a "no" like I'm actually saying "yeah, okay"
Like its something you can have determined
you can have interpreted,
In the way you say.

And now you're saying,
We've got to move on?
Save the friendship, and mend the old bond?
But maybe its better this way,
if you just continue to stay away,
if we let this friendship be laid
down quietly,
with at least a little respect and dignity.

See, the issue at hand,
or rather, at heart,
is that there's more than a friendship lost.
Trust is broken.
And if you think you know
how to fix it,
go ahead and try
but it won't enable me to distinguish
your truth from your lie.

The thing about trust: t must be earned
and you, that day I asked you
to help carry my heart,
you carelessly dropped it
and this accident, has no first aid kit,
except time,
and you don't even have that on your side.

You and I were supposed to stay platonic
A mutual shoulder to shoulder benefit,
A good friendship- Help me through and I'd do the same for you
but you and I are human,
I can't say I'm perfect,
I can't say I'm always right,
But I know what a broken heart feels like.

That fucking undercurrent,
your persistence wasn't cute, couldn't be swayed.
I was dragged under, and my throat
still bursting in the deep sea pressure,
wrapped in silence,
you had no discretion, whatsoever.

My trust was abused, misused, and
you never or ever will have any rights to it,
You've dis-earned it.
So don't ask me about my silence now,
A part of me
from years and years
burned into me
Its a silence that keeps the peace,
and it seems to me, that somehow,
It should just be better this way.

But you can listen to me now:
My heart broke, my silence I have broken,
because I want you to know
I valued our friendship,
I enjoyed your company,
But you wanted more of me,
more of me that I could not give, so I said no.
And I expected you to respect that, to respect me.
But it wasn't to be.

Now that trust has vanished,
my hope for friendship painfully tarnished,
the thought of finding anything to save must be banished.
And if you couldn't see this coming,
Then you've been blind from the beginning.
The hope that remains,
is that your character might one day want to change,
maybe someday you'll want to learn
and grow into the man that you can be,
the man that I could see.

But now, I will not be there to see it,
and that's alright with me.
Because I don't know if broken trust can be fixed.
Even if my forgiveness towards you is in the mix,
Because trust isn't so simply made.
So just let me fade,
I promise, we'll be okay.