Blue Devils

laying on my bed, looking at the ceiling with a hopeless mind
my eye lids are getting heavy, tired from the world
my face is sagging, by the gravity of life
my breathing is getting slower, but my anemic heart drums on faster and faster
my voice is lost, just a monotonous sound
talking to myself, with no one around

listening to this angelic symphony, that's being played effortlessly
listening to it to feel something, sad or even angry
but not feeling anything, when I hear it, nothing is surfacing
cause my happiness got lost with my innocence
and my pain exceeded my expectance
it doesn't hurt anymore, just sediments of num feelings floating

I have come to a halt, frozen, and getting colder
the voices inside my head are getting louder and louder
go on! do it! you're better off dead and you know it!
tilting my head to look, at the razor blade on the table in front
then screaming into my pillow to out shout their plangent roar
they are dragging this moment of weakness to a point of no return
and this time they might actually win

then it will come, the lonely departure
leaving an invisible mark on the world.