drowning  not  swimming

 i remember only too well, why my deppresion, is so awful now
there is no specific sharp stabbing, no throbbing pain,no feeling,

the meds i swallow by the bucket load, looking for some kind of release, only comotose me,they also only last so long, before the dreaded come down,
like an enthusiastic teenager, at a rage getting high,just to feel alive,
but deppression is not recreational, its terrifying !

there is noyone in your body, to even register pain,
there is nothing, empty space,whoever you were, whoever lived in your skin, has long since gone, vanished !

i can barely remember being someone, not this THING !

my body and mind are in emergency mode, as are the chemicals inside me, they can only do so much,
i am non dependent on outside stimuli, but because the chemicals have started to overwhelm my brain,its just dead  havoc !

there is no way out of this desease !, no quick fix,
it has you, you dont have it, and its a private party, noyone else is allowed in !