deepundergroundpoetry.com
How do you except love
How do you except love? :
I don’t know why, but by now it should be out of my mind: I am past grown, your dead and gone
I tried, I fucking tried, and now you’re not here: and I feel lost, even after all these years
I feel lost without you, even though your advice was always wrong: I don’t know what to do
I realized I spent my whole life living for your approval: I was never good enough for you
I think that’s the down fall to a dependent relationship: you’re never really independent
I seriously need to reflect on this: I need to exam what I want my future to do
I can never hurt my children or put them through, what I went threw
I am so scared of being like you: parts of me are
I am strong and when I am scared, I push it back and prepare for the attack
But I can’t do this to the kids, I want them to no it is okay to be weak, and fold when they need to
I want them to laugh, and never be afraid to just be happy
Mom, dad why, why did you do this to me
I am sure it was just a matter of situation, and the circumstance of separation
But couldn’t you just pretend to love me, couldn’t you have said it sometimes… maybe
I struggle so hard to believe it is possible, but now: I want to believe, I want to believe that he loves me
Then I wonder “how could he, if you didn’t, if you don’t?”
I don’t know why, but by now it should be out of my mind: I am past grown, your dead and gone
I tried I fucking tried, and now you’re not here: I feel lost even after all these years
I feel lost without you, even though your advice was always wrong: I don’t know what to do
I seriously need to reflect on this: I need to exam what I want my future to do
I can never hurt my children: or put them through what I went threw
I am so scared of being like you: parts of me are
I am strong and when I am scared, I push it back and prepare for the attack
But I can’t do this to the kids: I want them to no it is okay to be weak, and fold when they need to
Lori
I don’t know why, but by now it should be out of my mind: I am past grown, your dead and gone
I tried, I fucking tried, and now you’re not here: and I feel lost, even after all these years
I feel lost without you, even though your advice was always wrong: I don’t know what to do
I realized I spent my whole life living for your approval: I was never good enough for you
I think that’s the down fall to a dependent relationship: you’re never really independent
I seriously need to reflect on this: I need to exam what I want my future to do
I can never hurt my children or put them through, what I went threw
I am so scared of being like you: parts of me are
I am strong and when I am scared, I push it back and prepare for the attack
But I can’t do this to the kids, I want them to no it is okay to be weak, and fold when they need to
I want them to laugh, and never be afraid to just be happy
Mom, dad why, why did you do this to me
I am sure it was just a matter of situation, and the circumstance of separation
But couldn’t you just pretend to love me, couldn’t you have said it sometimes… maybe
I struggle so hard to believe it is possible, but now: I want to believe, I want to believe that he loves me
Then I wonder “how could he, if you didn’t, if you don’t?”
I don’t know why, but by now it should be out of my mind: I am past grown, your dead and gone
I tried I fucking tried, and now you’re not here: I feel lost even after all these years
I feel lost without you, even though your advice was always wrong: I don’t know what to do
I seriously need to reflect on this: I need to exam what I want my future to do
I can never hurt my children: or put them through what I went threw
I am so scared of being like you: parts of me are
I am strong and when I am scared, I push it back and prepare for the attack
But I can’t do this to the kids: I want them to no it is okay to be weak, and fold when they need to
Lori
Published 5th Sep 2014
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