deepundergroundpoetry.com
Athena
Athena the lady of my dreams
She guides me through the twisted landscapes
My psyche sometimes takes me
She is a warrior goddess
Giving me visions
Of places i've never seen
When I saw the River Styx
I trembled with fear
She gently reminded me I have wings
She sprinkled me with golden dust and said
"We can cross over without getting burned"
There are some souls we need to visit
Sower of peace and empowerment
Guides me by day and night
I'm a day dreamer
She is always with me
Lovely lady
Athena Goddess of war and wisdom
When I was naked and bare
She covered me with the strongest chainmail she could weave
Gave me eyes that I could see
The magic and grace around me
An angel of light a warrior for sure
Guides me through the darkness
Was with me even in madness
Took away my sadness
With laughter
She is the weaver of dreams
Giving my soul peace
She has set me on the shores of wonderment
Dream weaver
My mystical sister
I love her
I know she will be with me forever
My guardian angel
A most beautiful warrior
She guides me through the twisted landscapes
My psyche sometimes takes me
She is a warrior goddess
Giving me visions
Of places i've never seen
When I saw the River Styx
I trembled with fear
She gently reminded me I have wings
She sprinkled me with golden dust and said
"We can cross over without getting burned"
There are some souls we need to visit
Sower of peace and empowerment
Guides me by day and night
I'm a day dreamer
She is always with me
Lovely lady
Athena Goddess of war and wisdom
When I was naked and bare
She covered me with the strongest chainmail she could weave
Gave me eyes that I could see
The magic and grace around me
An angel of light a warrior for sure
Guides me through the darkness
Was with me even in madness
Took away my sadness
With laughter
She is the weaver of dreams
Giving my soul peace
She has set me on the shores of wonderment
Dream weaver
My mystical sister
I love her
I know she will be with me forever
My guardian angel
A most beautiful warrior
Published 27th Mar 2011
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Anonymous
- Edited 27th Mar 2011 11:16am
27th Mar 2011 11:14am
This is a sweet imagistic poem, with some lovely classical imagery.
I think you should remove the two commas which show up at sporadic intervals during the piece. As there's no other punctuation, their presence seems strange and interrupts the flow.
Small typo in the last line of the second verse: "I've".
Also, this is probably me being stupid, but what do you mean by "chainmail" in the seventh stanza? I always thought chain mail are those messages people send each other which say stuff like "if you don't send this on your mother will die".
Other than these minor quibbles, this is a charming poem which shows your growth as an artist. The lines are concise and even beautiful at times. The image of you flying over the River Styx (looked it up on google and both words need a capital letter, by the way) after being reminded you have wings is some kind of wonderful.
So often poems of this nature become too cutesy, but I think you just avoid that trap. Nice work crimsin.
I think you should remove the two commas which show up at sporadic intervals during the piece. As there's no other punctuation, their presence seems strange and interrupts the flow.
Small typo in the last line of the second verse: "I've".
Also, this is probably me being stupid, but what do you mean by "chainmail" in the seventh stanza? I always thought chain mail are those messages people send each other which say stuff like "if you don't send this on your mother will die".
Other than these minor quibbles, this is a charming poem which shows your growth as an artist. The lines are concise and even beautiful at times. The image of you flying over the River Styx (looked it up on google and both words need a capital letter, by the way) after being reminded you have wings is some kind of wonderful.
So often poems of this nature become too cutesy, but I think you just avoid that trap. Nice work crimsin.
Thank you Jack I edited so it flowed better..chainmail is an armour of rings interwoven together..thank you for the advise and lovely comments..peace Crimsin :)
4th May 2016 00:09am
I used to use chain mail on the pony express till it got too heavy for the horse...I love this poem I hope that she is always with you :)
4th May 2016 3:01am
18th Dec 2017 5:40pm
Love is like a shattered mirror. It can cut deeply and show you how to overcome.
18th Dec 2017 5:42pm
thank you beautiful Jade
for a wonderful comment
making my day brighter :)
love Crim
for a wonderful comment
making my day brighter :)
love Crim
9th Sep 2018 7:16pm
9th Sep 2018 7:28pm
