Moments

I count these moments in between
our few, fleeting encounters
And they are so achingly long.
Endless hours of time to think about how best
to grasp this situation
and make it matter.
Make it count.

The moment comes, and suddenly

I am nonchalant-
Aloof!
A fucking fool-parody-joke.

Showing the opposite of what my heart desires.
Damn.
God Fucking Damn.

Trapped inside of these moments.
Knowing that in between,
I. can. not.
see you.
Will not-
get to hear your voice- share your smile
for another week.

Again.

I feel so irrationally frantic.
I smack the walls in yearning
Wanting more time.
All the while feeling the bittersweet truth:
that you want more time too.

Still, we keep our distance
Saying only enough to give away an interest
Yet little to warrant a risk
of failing.

Something has got to give, you know.
Tension can only raise so high.
Before it wears out the both of us;
wears us down
 Till we are careless,
     untroubled,
            and unbound.