deepundergroundpoetry.com
Nightmares(you don't own me)
I woke up to the taste of blood and tears
fell out of bed due to my fears
afraid and alone with no one to hold
as i gently start to get old
no body wants what is broken
not when they can get a brand new token
I hate to fall asleep without your arms around me
I hate this life and all it's lies told to me
I scream and pull my hair
but you are never there
you don't own me!
you try to break me down
try to take me down
I fall asleep in your bed
but don't get any thoughts in your head
but you don't own me
just let things be
I love him not you
and if he found out
it'd be over and through
so don't go turning me blue
just cuz you don't own me
Falling out of bed,
always hitting my head
But you want me to stay asleep
so you can watch me weep
but I will stand I will fight
I won't go through this another night
cuz guess what
You don't own me
someday he will come
and make all this damage come undone
I won't fall asleep with you standing over me
I can't stop thinking how can this be?
When all I want is his arms around me
you don't own me , you don't own me, you don't own me
My first try at lyrics for a song... so any comments are truly welcome.
fell out of bed due to my fears
afraid and alone with no one to hold
as i gently start to get old
no body wants what is broken
not when they can get a brand new token
I hate to fall asleep without your arms around me
I hate this life and all it's lies told to me
I scream and pull my hair
but you are never there
you don't own me!
you try to break me down
try to take me down
I fall asleep in your bed
but don't get any thoughts in your head
but you don't own me
just let things be
I love him not you
and if he found out
it'd be over and through
so don't go turning me blue
just cuz you don't own me
Falling out of bed,
always hitting my head
But you want me to stay asleep
so you can watch me weep
but I will stand I will fight
I won't go through this another night
cuz guess what
You don't own me
someday he will come
and make all this damage come undone
I won't fall asleep with you standing over me
I can't stop thinking how can this be?
When all I want is his arms around me
you don't own me , you don't own me, you don't own me
My first try at lyrics for a song... so any comments are truly welcome.
Published 27th May 2014
| Edited 28th May 2014
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 0
comments 6
reads 792
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
28th May 2014 2:02am
Alright, allow me to make a suggestion. You're lyrical capabilities are fine, but your method of expressing them could use some assistance.
There are four primary parts to a song: verse, bridge, chorus and prechorus. Obviously, the chorus is the part that is repeated, even if it varies a little from time to time. The prechorus is a section of the song that isn't the same beat as the verse, but it isn't the same beat as the chorus--it's used to transition between the two. A verse changes every time you make a new one, and typically keeps the same beat as every other verse in the song. A bridge is a break from the lyrical and rhythmic patterns throughout any other part of the song, and is rarely used more than once in any song.
Clearly, not every song has a chorus, as yours demonstrates, and not every song has a prechorus (even if the song has a chorus). Some songs are ALL chorus, such as "Sweet Dreams" by Eurythmics, or "Mr. Brightside" by the Killers, in which the whole song is composed of lyrics that repeat. Not every song has a bridge either. Regardless of which parts are and are not used, you should try to seperate the parts using a space, it makes the song more understanable.
I apologize for leaving such a lengthy comment, in which the only TRULY useful statement was "add spacing", but I felt I had to back up what I was saying.
Otherwise, great job.
There are four primary parts to a song: verse, bridge, chorus and prechorus. Obviously, the chorus is the part that is repeated, even if it varies a little from time to time. The prechorus is a section of the song that isn't the same beat as the verse, but it isn't the same beat as the chorus--it's used to transition between the two. A verse changes every time you make a new one, and typically keeps the same beat as every other verse in the song. A bridge is a break from the lyrical and rhythmic patterns throughout any other part of the song, and is rarely used more than once in any song.
Clearly, not every song has a chorus, as yours demonstrates, and not every song has a prechorus (even if the song has a chorus). Some songs are ALL chorus, such as "Sweet Dreams" by Eurythmics, or "Mr. Brightside" by the Killers, in which the whole song is composed of lyrics that repeat. Not every song has a bridge either. Regardless of which parts are and are not used, you should try to seperate the parts using a space, it makes the song more understanable.
I apologize for leaving such a lengthy comment, in which the only TRULY useful statement was "add spacing", but I felt I had to back up what I was saying.
Otherwise, great job.
2nd Jun 2014 4:37pm
Sorry for being picky... I was just utilizing the fact that you marked it as "honest critique". It really was good.
2nd Jun 2014 4:39pm
28th May 2014 3:57am
I felt more poetically with this but I enjoyed it so much...would luv to hear it as a song. Well inked smurfette;)
29th May 2014 11:32pm
Made me think about a recent fight with a close female friend.
You obviously have talent for writing (as much as I can say, im just as new in this as you), but I'd watch a bit more about writing words like "cuz" and capital letters..
Sorry for being picky and anoying. nice song, you should defenitly write some more..
You obviously have talent for writing (as much as I can say, im just as new in this as you), but I'd watch a bit more about writing words like "cuz" and capital letters..
Sorry for being picky and anoying. nice song, you should defenitly write some more..
29th May 2014 11:38pm
