The Outback

In an Aussie pub in the outback these many years past
Where are your ‘facilities’ a woman tourist asked?
The puzzled barman scratched his head
When realization dawned he said
‘Oh you mean the dunny lady? It’s in the little shed
Out the back some fifty feet, roofs low so mind yer head'

When she came back she looked distressed
Of the facilities she was unimpressed
'It’s nothing but a bucket in a hole dug in the floor
It smells really awful there’s no lock upon the door'

The lady was quite snooty and she looked rather vexed
The landlord stood, scratched his arse looking quite perplexed
‘A lock upon the door?’ said he sounding quite bemused
I don’t think that we need one ma’am you must be quite confused
I've been here thirty years and as sure as my name’s Fred Tucket
No one, in all that time, ever stole that bucket