The Other Side

After Heartache, cheaters, liars, belittling words and deeds
The Ice Queen only melts when she gives into her wanton needs.

I wake with a new reality of my earnest wish and hope
Giving myself away, hiding behind sex, and not learning to cope
I long for something more than what I have become
Fear of truthful interaction beyond the bedroom makes me come undone
Mentally I separate myself from my own defiant actions
I command attention on my back, lovers dismissed, if outside my lines a fraction
Unwilling to face the potentials of being vulnerable and afraid
Controlling my role and my mind, guidelines for conduct are made
With every dalliance I find the hole inside me growing in size
I’m surprised it took me so very long to finally realize
Keeping walls up, the gates guarded, no admittance to the other side
I prevent those that would harm me from winning, I know they’ve tried
However, I also block out.. cast off.. dismiss..  much of the good
Take down a brick in my wall, gaze outside my gates, I should
In order for me to have love in it’s truest sense
I have to face my fears, knowing the price and consequence
Give hope a chance to blossom within my soul, and allow it to grow.
Without trying, I’ll never find my bliss, I’ll never know
I’ll never be who I was meant to be…..
And if I fail,  if I am hurt….I must deal with that too, I see
For life is about living.. the smiles, the  tears…the happy.. the sad
You cannot have all of the good, without accepting some of the bad