Foolish Alcoholic

If there is tomorrow(s), then hope is present, the possibilities are endless and the journey will continue, just make sure you get the window seat, i hear its the best to view the careless moments slipping by and promising visions ahead.

Doing good Brenda, i love the honesty and the simplicity, its from your core and i can't add more but to say, beautiful read.

thank you Vee for the lovely thought and kindness :) with love and respect Brenda

You are bigger than the addiction.

Always remember that ....

xx

thank you Poet for the vote of confidence :) with love and respect Brenda

Oh my my Crimsin wht a hard truth this is the baring of the soul revealing a demon. I relate with this so much i too have a demon to be expose mines not the same but it's the same. Things do get better fighting everyday it isn't so dark at times there is a light just getting is a struggle but it's worth the fight.i will share mines with you.

thank you BlackSoul for getting that this is a demon on my back.. if you are willing to share your battle I'm here to listen.. with love and respect Crim :)

We all carry heavy luggages some weight more than others. I live in the present, the past can't be change but you could change the future. One day at a time. I lived with guilt of my dad's death for years until I learned to forgive my self and understand that you can't control others but only yourself. Great Ink!!Love liz

thank you Liz for understanding I'm only sorry you've carried such a burden yourself.. love Crim :)

You face yourself, and don't disguise what you see, so you are already halfway and more. I'll be one of many in your corner, Crim, here in DU. Keep strong.

"it wasn't always this way"

&
 
"I want my mind to start turning again"
 
The two power lines...

thank you Atakti for being there time will tell if I can succeed :) with love and respect Crim

Nothing foolish bout u - no one has your flow

thank you Whale for the gracious comment :) with love and respect Crim

tough bottle to toss...others have done it,so can you (we believe)...always love your sharing (peace)

thank you Hash for the encouragement :) with love and respect Crim

Somebody once told me that loving yourself is like stacking up russian dolls: You have to love you from the littlest to the biggest versions of you to make all the pieces fit together, inside one another.

Learn to forgive other people. Forgive yourself. Fuck it. Cry your heart out and tell it to fuck off some more. Then let it go.

In order to stop drinking you need to realise you are bigger than the drink, you are stronger than you think and you are more than what you believe about yourself and others.

Forward, my dear. Always moving forward. x

thank you Missy for the sound wisdom and encouragement with respect Crim

Crims

in terms of throwing the hook punches and landing them square, this write as with most all of them over the last three years I've been reading you certainly succeeds

I think, if you were of the mind to, you could improve the weight behind the first stanza by changing the breaks a tiny bit:

I'm an alcoholic  

it wasn't always this way  
two years ago
I wouldn't touch a drink

the idea being, the first punch has time to leave its mark, which I think is appropriate.

I see a few different chains of thought woven through this and once again have to commend you on your ability and willingness to throw yourself onto a page naked and bare.

I can't honestly say I agree with the couplet:

"I've suffered in creativity  
in my drunken state"

given the calibre of your writing over the said two years, but you'd know better than me anyway.

some famous fucker once said (or perhaps over and over again 'cos I think he liked a drink too) "write drunk, edit sober" so maybe there's some merit in that ..cos he's famous don cha know

you have a wonderful infrastructure of support here from people who have first hand experience and others who genuinely care, don't forget that because its an important asset to have.

anyhow Missus, all in, as per, great stuff

shine on
 

thank you Craic first off for the love.. second for being there since the beginning I respected you from the start and came to care deeply what you think.. so third let me say I appreciate what you said about my writing because I'm not so sure I'm going to be able to quit the drink anytime soon.. lastly thank you for the C.B. quote I often delete when sober ha :) p.s. thank you for covering my bare ass with kindness I have been acting pretty foolish on here and in real lift.. with love and the deepest respect Crim

Sweet Crim.....some of your writes are like my past coming back to life. So many of us have been down the road you're on. I stand applauding you and bowing down to your grace. With tears in my heart and soul I send you many hugs from my heart to yours. You're not foolish......you are a teacher of souls. You've written about so many real things in life that make us sit up and look at our own reflections and see hidden flaws. You think you are numb and luv less inside, I assure you that you are not. You are brave and confront yourself straight on. I for one and am sure of many others are honored to call you friend. I'm so happy you've come back here to teach us things in real life. Cause most of us are blind!!!! We live in our selfish bubbles not giving a damn of who we squash. Thank you for sharing you true self with us. Sending luv, hugs and prayers your way. Xo :)

YOU CAN CONQUER THIS!!!!!! I BELIVE IN YOU!!!! Xo :)

Lovely Flower thank you for the support and love you shown me as well as the gracious comments.. hugs back dear friend :) with love and respect Crim

Lovely Crim, what strong character you display by sharing these heavy truths.

Here is my humble opinion / philosophy.
The same winds blow on us all. The wind of difficulty. The wind of opportunity. They blow upon every living soul.
We cannot change the tempest of yesterday, nor may we detour the gale of tomorrow. This wind is incessant, pausing for no person.
The wind of opportunity is also constant, always blowing, there for us to reap the rewards if only we harness its strength.
We have no ability to stop or change these winds.
The one thing we do possess is an ability to set our sail each day.
If we are to succeed, in any endeavor, we must prepare daily and properly set our sail to harness the favorable winds. Those which will power us to goals, calmer seas.

VP I see not only are you a sexy man you're full of wisdom as well.. thank you with all my heart Crim :)

If I can quit anyone can... after twenty something years of drinking... well since I was fifteen, I know you'll hear plenty of empowering stories. I highly doubt that there's a dirty road that I haven't already left my tracks on. I feel you, Ms. Crim. Always a pleasure* :)

Wow lovely Angel you do give me hope twenty years is a long time thank you always make me smile :) with love and respect Crim

A truly honest poem here Crim.

I like how you admit your to
starting slowly and progressively
you came to use it obsessively
and abusively, (not the addiction).

I seem to do better when I drink too
But I've been drinking for 25 years.

I've had to go to court-ordered rehab
but I didn't agree with their theories
and my wife wanted me to go to a more
religious oriented program but they
like to take all the power from you
alone.

Anyways I hope that you achieve your
goal and are successful.


   Peace and Light Brenda... Pan

Pan so you can definitely relate thanks for being there and showing me love :) with love and respect Crim

i feel this one Brenda, my vodka habit got so out of hand these last two years that i couldn't function without it.
i love your honesty, the raw, nakedness with which you write everything. your poetry leaves no place to hide.

thank you beautiful Mia for your understanding and kindness.. hugs on knowing this pain.. with love and the deepest respect Brenda :)

Trapped lies
in bottles I consume
washing away truth
locking past into a tomb

To judge behavior is not to judge character.  Your character will always prevail when ready. Behavior is a protector of truth under self preservation to survive.  When against all odds and fighting alone, one must do what is necessary.  This only proves that you are a fighter.  No shame in surviving.  Reconnect with your lioness once again and you will see your shadow once more as you climb from your own shadow.  Your shadow will always remain with you.  It holds your truth close to you, never leaving.  A reminder of who you are, were you have been, And most of all...The warrior that you are.

thank you Soul for the wisdom and lovely encouragement :) with love and respect Crim

...we all have foolish vices, Crim. This was so deeply moving to me and if my other comment on your recent piece offend you, I apologize, just trying to raise your spirit. No way am I trying to smile at your emotions. Not my character...Xo
Poetic love~

Rain you never offend me lovely lady and you always raise my spirits with your presence thank you :) with love and respect Crim

If it helps at all my dear let me say this...
Ur admittance of drinking as a weakness
is like my admitting I'm challenged by a lack of
desire to do much of anything without  pretending
I'm someone else... Feel me? outstanding n powerful
release of emotion

I feel you Poe thank you for understanding :) with love and respect Crim

I totally dig this shit ....
no I'm not into drinking but smoking , smoking crap oh ..

I started it when i was a teenager under pressure ...once n twice n it became a habit

the first couple of stanzas totally take me there, slow n dizzy


" I've wasted the last two years"
never say u have wasted , looking back into that part is hard but the realisation makes u a better , stronger and braver individual so say 'I've gained the rest of life through the last two years '
never regret coz whatever u do makes u who u are

do drink ..but take it easy n restrict it to a limit ...

the write is just fine as u are ...


keep Rollin

cyanide...

thank you Cyanide for relating to this poem and giving me words of encouragement :) with love and respect Crim

Hello, my name is Primogenito, and I am an addict and an alcoholic
I am here today by the grace of a higher power who carried me when I was sick
Years ago, I accepted that my life was unmanageable and out of control
I’ve been homeless, jailed, and I’ve been kicked and rolled

I have used people and failed those that loved me
Now I have no one left who talks to me, from my own family
Due to my actions and behaviors; no one understood
Not even my mother; I secretly hoped that she would

Yes, I hate saying that word
Alcoholic; it is denigrating, I find it absurd
And addict; that makes me sound like the scum of the season
But drugs, like booze, are both done for the same reason

To help us forget some type of pain
And con us into thinking it will help us gain
wisdom, experience, and happiness, all that was stopped and halted
And we remain the chronological age we were when it all started

But through the years, I have realized and accepted
that it is part of who I am.  It makes me deceptive
and as I continue to grow, I learn all of my weak spots
because I am now sober and am winning a war I’m proud to have fought

Oh sure, I was uninhibited and quite a little bitch
But that didn’t go off without a hitch
I was called a slut, and I would black out a lot
And I didn’t know until morning of the trouble into which I somehow got

Brazen, oh sure, sugar coat it
I used to piss myself, fall on my face, and pass out and shit
Please do not deny what is real
Because you will never be able to feel

You think that you have wasted two years
Try waking up after ten, to all of your fears
And the feelings that you never dealt with
And not know how to ask for help, instead you reach for a fifth

I learn every day that I have a dangerous side
If I slip and use, I wake up wishing I had died
When I drink, I become useless; incoherent and slutty
I get nasty and vile; my body ends up bruised and cruddy

I lie, cheat, steal, and abuse when I am drinking
So, every day, I try to not take a drink; it is always what I am thinking
Now, I choose to not take drugs or drink, as both feed my addiction
I treat them as twins, they are dangerous to my affliction

Some believe that it is a disease; and treatment is necessary to quit
I am the black sheep in the family; the only one who got it
I too was someone important, I got educated and reached many a goal
When the poison stopped and allowed me to have my soul

There are steps, I’ve mentioned the first two in lines two and three
And with them, you can work towards making a decision to change
There is fellowship; you should find someone who can relate your plight
And be ready to ask for help over and over; you have to want and have the urge to get right

You can have faith and pray for help occasionally
It does not hurt, what can I say
Making amends is the hardest step, but it feels good when you do
Surely there are people to whom you have hurt; even if a few

But be careful, some things do not need to be said
You can get away with this by helping them in some way, at least, before they become dead
In some small way, this heals
And puts the memories in the past, that is how it feels

Sobriety is not something that you do and it is over
You have to work it, and use these steps, to become bolder
Free from pain, you will not feel guilty anymore
Because you will make decisions no one can abhor  

Don’t forget who carried you when you were sick
And who kept you breathing after you were kicked
Continue to contact your higher power to understand strength and wisdom
And you will find that it gets easier; it will come

I don’t know what confessional poems are, but I do want to know
But I thought I would give you my two cents anyway; I am free to take risks now
And I can trust myself again; that is the best
My head still pounds occasionally, especially when I don’t get enough rest

Sometimes I still do foolish things, but I can laugh at them now
And all of my behaviors and missteps are part of me, somehow
Look forward to a spiritual awakening of sorts
Because being sober is something that you have to share; with similar cohorts

thank you so much for sharing your life and pain with me.. also your daily struggle and victory you've found with your higher power and walking the steps.. I'm so pleased you shared your story here so that it can be a constant reminder to me of where I need to be as well as helping others who read this.. with the deepest respect Crim

I love how honest this piece is. It reminds me of my own life and the way it was for me. I'm not so far removed that I've forgotten what its like, but its still good to be reminded of how things used to be and who I was. Thank you.

Peace, Ind

thank you Indie I always love your insight and visits :) with love and respect Crim