deepundergroundpoetry.com

Dissociative

I feel dissociated from my characters.
From this story.
From their feelings.
I actually don't know where it's going.
I love the storyline & the characters.
But when I start another chapter.
I feel like I'm forcing it.
The last three books.
They were never forced.
Why is this book?
This time?
Why is it so different?

Why do I feel so dissociated?

From this story?
From their perspectives?
My star-crossed characters--
I feel as if their slipping. . . a w a y

from me.

And I don't want that.
I can't have that.
I'm scared I'm losing them.
This story's life support is failing.
We're going under, the ship is sinking.
I'm going down--
We're going down--
I can't have another story fail.
Please.
Please.
Please.
No, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm losing it--
I can't admit it,
to my family-- boyfriend, mother & son.
That I'm losing my mojo, they've helped me so much.
And I'm failing them and taking them down, with me.

Taking everyone down in the dust.
We're going up in arms.
Down in flames.
I'm sorry. . .
I'm trying to hold on.
Toss me a rope.
Lend me a hand.
Because I'm slipping--
And losing grip on this story, book, novel, series.

Please. . .

� Someone?

� � Anyone?

Please. . .

Save me.

From this dissociation, with myself.