Black Boredom

My boredom is suicidal
and is trying to convince me
it would be fun to chase it down that rabbit hole

Some days I’m so bored
I want to kill myself just for something to do
though death is never my end game
I simply want to sleep
and wake up when the intermission
of this play is over

Because I’m on a stage that only God can see
and I haven’t rehearsed my lines, and like
the only audience member at a peepshow
he’s sure to see me masturbating
behind the cardboard shrubbery

I promise I’m not having conversations with myself
it’s just that my mirror has learned to talk
and I’ve covered it with jewellery
so that I pretend that I’m glamorous
when the monotonous routine
of dressing my skin makes me want to peel
it away from my bones
so that I might see what I look like
completely naked
without the vanity of a crooked self esteem

My head could be an empty fish tank
turned upside down
my brain matter splattered across the floor
like modern art with more soul
I’m a lonely observation
the phone doesn’t ring
I’m not even sure it’s connected
turn all the lights on and we’ll pretend like someone is home
perpetual debt gives me something to complain about

My boredom is suicidal
and is trying to convince me
it would be fun to chase it down that rabbit hole
some days get so bored
I think I want to die

It gives me something
to dream about  

© Indie Adams 2014