early morning requiem for the blue coda of love

 
the night  
the phone rings  
and eternity  
shows on caller ID  
i won't answer  
i'm not even home  
 
my heart  beaten  
in reverse back to  
the maker's shop  
for a fix i go  
and another tick  
tocking slide  
into the slipstream  
of life's dream  
another slap on the  
ass welcome back  
from the doctrines of truth  
and the suffering of all souls  
that is our salvation in  
the end  
 
         I  
 
 
the last time  
 
the first last time the busy nurse had jobs to do  
pulling tubes from my love's holes  
and peeling tape from her skin  
i sat by the side of the bed  
head lowered to the mattress  
my love's hand in mine for the last last time,  
i cried and cried and cried....  
 
finally felt bad i was in the nurses way and looking up  
noticed the grace of her movement  
the sway of her blond pony tail scenting the  room  
the swell of skin beneath her flimsy  
sheet of clothes  
 
and knew in the betrayal of my  
blood  as tears dripped  on the hand  
of the dead heart of my lover  
that  i would live  
 
          II  
 
the second last time  
documents needed signing  
in the directors office  
of the bereaved but first  
i would need to confirm again  
for the state that this three  
days in a freezer waiting for the  
furnace  cold shell of  loss  in a  
long cardboard box like a dead body rose  
no one ever wanted delivered was her  
 
            III  
 
the last last time the families wish  
was commanded and her mother was there  
and a priest, his dog, the man with the  
machine, the hawk that swooped into the  
pine, the forever sky, and my love, now  
a body of ash, the burned bits of her bone  
and teeth inside a wooden box i held in my  
hands as i rose on the hydraulic arms of  
the machine and placed her in the  small granite  
tomb of the walls lifeless wombs and love was  
cemented alone forever in the dark