The Smoking Ban

I hate it.
But you don’t,
Just going out to the garage,
Dance for 3 hours, sweating and farting
Get steamin’ drunk,
Spill your WKD down your front
Fall out the kebab past the club,
If any of that sauce makes it past your chin you’ll be winning
Rub up against every Tom, Harry
And swinging Dick
Whitey in the taxi after pissing in the street
Then turn round to me and say to me
“But smoke makes my clothes smell horrible the next day”
You’re a mingin’ bitch
I think you’ll need to wash them anyway.
Meanwhile I have to stand outside
In the cold, making excuses to the homeless
Getting pickpocketed by the women selling roses
Cos this city has a lot of problems
Homelessness and poverty being pretty near the top of them
I probably should have voted but that’s another poem.

Aren’t our laws just fucked?
I mean you can get fined £50 for dropping fag ends in the street
The guy that fines you wears a stab proof vest,
In case you try and kill him because you took offence.
Nice one city council, cheers for getting a round in.
We don’t need more police, we’ve got bullet proof fucking bin men.
Better keep the gutters clean,
It’s nice to have priorities.

What if you want to open a pub that smoking is allowed in
It’s your pub you own it,
If they don’t like smoke then they can avoid it.
Should we not have tried a compromise before an outright ban of it.
If you’re worried about going deaf then don’t get a job in a nightclub
If you’ve got a fear of water then don’t become a lifeguard
If second hand smoke makes you cough, choke or gag
Then avoid pubs and venues that allow smoking fags.

But it’s not that easy, is it?
There aren’t so many jobs going around
That we can have the luxury turning any down
Well to be honest that seems more like
An issue with unemployment
But the government are still working on that one, honest
We’re in a recession that dipped
Then double dipped
Hat trick, missed it
Occupy, majority
99, bullshit

I mean, don’t get me wrong,
If you own a pub and want to make it non-smoking go ahead,
I’ll stand outside, I won’t complain,
I’ll respect your decisions,
Cos that’s a choice that you’ve made.
A nice restaurant where people are eating,
The library, shops on the high street
The orange underground stations
Anywhere in the presence of pregnant women or children
I’m not gonna smoke, I’m not trying to be a villain
But what about the music venues, the night clubs,
Aren’t they meant to smell of smoke?
Not BO and the toilets, cider piss and beer.
We’ve lost a bit more than the smoke in here
The governments controlling you with (atmos) fear
We’ve lost a choice, and we’re never gonna get it back.