choke

heheh. thanks. i'm going to really try to insert myself into the community. hopefully i won't dominate the discussions, cuz i'm really trying to master the art of poetry.

sex.

lol not sure if all the double entendres were intentional in your response, but hopefully, because this comment made me giggle like mad XD

yeah, they were intentional. i'm glad it amused you, cuz i felt like i should have been able to come up with a lot more!!!

thanks!!!

your pussy throbbing
with the air in your lungs

Perfect description!  I couldn't put it into words, but there it is.  Love it, it's got me...choked up...:)

thank you! i was trying to capture that deep, whole body throbbing that somehow syncs up all your body's other rhythms into a single bass pounding that echoes mutedly in your head...

thanks! i'm totally blushing right now!

A little harsher than I can take on a daily basis, but man, you write it well.

well, it's a special occasion sort of thing. daily basis? i don't think i could give it on a daily basis like this. gotta have some soft time every now and then too!

but thanks so much for the compliment.

I love when someones words allow me visualize the activities at hand. You have done that beautifully.

thank you! i figured there was no point in writing this one unless i could get the visuals working properly, cuz it might come across as cruel or mean...

yummy that.. is there a delivery service?

now there's an idea...

i just find the neck to be a massive nexus of turn-ons for me. so animalistic to control someone by their neck. such an easy thing to do. and so many people get off on breath play, so there's that too...

only problem with the delivery service idea is i wouldn't trust anyone else to do it right, which means i'd be really fucking tired all the time!!!

I wasn't going to comment, but I feel I have an obligation to push DU poets to do better.  
 
The poem is very well written and as you're a teacher, I'd expect that.  
 
For me, S1 and S2 stand out as your strongest.  
 
In my opinion, L2 S3 feels too passive as you're the one empowered, choking her, breath surrendered in your hand. You're choking her man!!!  
 
"your pussy throbbing  
with the air in your lungs..."  
 
That was a real nice way to finish the stanza.  
 
I feel L2 S4 fell short of some real cool imagery:  
 
"sending your naked body crashing down onto mine..."  
 
This girl is on the edge, turning blue, you release her... if you changed "onto" to "into," you'd have a subtle, yet intense image of a girl crashing through a mineshaft. Just a visual thought I had.  
 
Now, I know you got a shit load of positive feedback, which is great, but... the last line.  
 
"and we cum???"  
 
Man, I think I've read too many erotic poems that end with this line. So many erotic poets cop out on the last line, making the whole piece feel like a porn scene. This has the making of a solid piece, I just expect more from somebody who can write poetry.  
 
Welcome to DU. I look forward to reading more of your poems.  
 
Mr Case

dammit, i find myself fucking up the reply thing all the time... guess i'm in such a hurry to respond i lose my reason!!!

(replying to this one cuz i kept getting an error message asking for a subject when responding to the other one...)

thank you so much for your honest feedback! it is very much appreciated!

i totally agree on the criticism of l2 s4. it's weak and lazy, and i've been trying to decide what to do with it.

l2 s3 was where i was trying to pull in some of that predicament bondage stuff that i love, forcing the sub to take part in their own domination, but i see your point as well. perhaps the line could be rewritten to still give off the predicament bondage bit without being so passive. i will work on it.

last line? i like it, but you've got a point. trying to get the idea that we came together, as  the finale to a grand symphony of sweat and struggle and electricity... but it is lazy. and it is kind of a let down.

thanks for reading, and again. i'm serious about wanting honest feedback, and i really appreciate the effort you put into doing so. thank you.