i want off

I made a bad choice a long while ago, one I must live with for life;
I let her go too easily I think, should've fought, and made her my wife.
People tell of ALL the things they would change, if going BACK could be done;
You really need to undo all those things huh? Not me, I'd only change one.
Looking forward from then to now, my life's been just one big lie;
I once enjoyed each day to the fullest, now they start and end with a sigh.
So I've taught myself to embrace the pain, let life's misery run its course;
But the past comes back strong now and again, bringing with it much remorse.
My feelings are all twisted up, I'm having trouble still playing this role;
I saw her today for a moment, now again my world spins out of control.
I tell myself I don't still love her, and almost believe it for awhile;
Then I see her face and my emotions come undone, I know again it's denial.
My head's reeling and I might go over the side, can anyone break my fall?
One memory at a time I can handle, but not at once to relive them all!
As tempest waves would break on a beach, these memories crash into my heart;
If this storm lingers too long, what was nearly repaired will again fall apart.
I've tried almost every prescription, no drug can I find to fix this;
There is but one cure for my affliction, it can only be found in love's kiss.
A love less than true, is not love at all, but merely a hurtful thing;
For heartache, tears and madness, are all I've known it ever to bring.
Could another love even be possible? Could there be more than one per lifetime?
Maybe a chance, if she finds me quickly, before I go under the last time.
How does it play from here? No one wants a shell that's empty and cracked;
Even if it were said, more promises in the dark, surely yet another broken act.
Fate will deal the same hand as always, I get the shitty end of the stick;
Someone PLEASE stop this carnival ride, I WANT OFF!! It's making me sick!