"My Heartbreak"

You don't have to look upon my face to know i'm depressed-you can hear it over the phone in my voice,my life iz a mess-my pain iz measured by the trails of my tears-i'll admit i've had thoughts of suicide,never acted upon it if i did my voice you wouldn't hear-mutha fuckaz judge me just by lookin' at me-you don't take the time to personally know me-yall mutha fuckaz need to just get tha fuck away from me-there's no where in the world i'd rather be-just in tha presence of my lord,my g.o.d-he know's my ass is unhappy-constantly talked down to by friends and family-i can go on and on keep on wit my rambles-you don't have to tell me,i see my lifes in shambles-i have no reason to live,i have nothing to give-sadness consumes me completely i just don't wanna continue on and live-i have lost all hope,i have no will to carry on-i pray i pass on soon,i pray i don't have to wait too long-i had love in my life and i fucked it up-i had good jobs in my life and fucked them all up-all my eye'z have seen is death and sin-no matter how hard i try to defeat my demons,i just can't win-i know that i cannot take my own life that sin iz mortal-sendin' me to eternal dammnation to total darkness that hellish portal-as i sit i feel broken hearted,as i lay i feel my heart tearing apart-i want eternal life with tha immortal presence of jesus then i shall no longer be broken hearted and not feel my heart tearing apart-the love i give iz not enough for anyone-can't you people see i am unhappy,with this life i am done-no matter where i go to live i will still feel total mental isolation-death iz more than an infatuation-it's all i dream of,from tha time i go to sleep to the time i awake-the process repeats itself 352 days a year for my so called mortal life to change,it's way too late-these words are my only way to let people know how i really am-to speak these words directly to you i cannot do,not to friendz not even my own fam-i've told many that i would give my life willingly to save theirs-like in the movie "7 pounds" i'd give my organs so life,i could better theirs-depressed all 24/7 my lord-please forgive me my sloth thoughts my dear lord-we live in a world of sin and death-money and power iz all people live for living as atheist till they feel it approach "death"-i see nothing worth living for in this world-can't get a job,can't get a girl i am just taking up space in this dammned world-i have already begun the process of giving up-skipping days of dealing wit my personal hygiene and having a pessimistic attitude,my lifes so fucked up-no one to talk to,no one listens,to the people of this world my words mean shit-god,hurry end all this,take me outta this hellish shit i deal wit-i know the words i write upset many and for that i am sorry-if you could understand whats in my mind,pleaze forgive me-especially when i constantly repeat "i wanna die" so sincerely-trust me, i wish i wasn't this way-and it's difficult to live this way-so much shit in my life causes me so much heartbreak-my health is getting worse,to better my life and well being is too late-i am not afraid of my date wit tha grim reaper-soul keeper,life deleter-it iz whut it iz wit death you can't be a cheater-i sure as fuck ain't nobody while i continue to breathe-and i sure as hell won't be nobody when i die and this world i leave-my flesh goes into the dirt-and decomposes in the dirt-all the shit you were in life becomes a memory-and after many years your nothing not even history-it's funny whut i've seen when a person dies-people share memories of that person for a few months and may even cry-after a year nothing,nada,not a damn word-no one will speak your name it's like you never existed the name you had iz erased it's not even a word-when i die and i am no longer here you may think it's not fair-don't worry be happy,when you die,then in heaven i'll see you when you get there-with me in life it was all give and no take-this what i write is my mind and soul,my complete..........."HEARTBREAK"